October 2012

Despite the new TV season being in full swing, I made a point to recover from last year's mediocre movie-going activity by really throwing myself into the cinema. Some of that was due to Joan making herself more available on the weekends; also, Irene invited me to a couple of screenings as well. Interestingly, I saw nothing on DVD except for The Apartment with Jay, which I had previously seen. Here were the new movies I saw in October:

LOOPER (2012)—The latest time-travel adventure stars Joseph Gordon-Levitt as a guy charged with assassinating people sent back in time from the future…and who must ultimately kill off his future self (Bruce Willis). If you think too much about the premise, it really makes no sense whatsoever, but it's a reasonably fun time at the movies nonetheless. Emily Blunt gives the picture a boost as the young mother of a very "special" boy. (8)



THE PAPERBOY (2012)—Pete Dexter's Florida-based novel becomes a boring mystery tale featuring Zac Efron, Nicole Kidman, Matthew McConaughey and John Cusack as four totally repellent people mixed up in the muddled story of a murdered policeman. Kidman pees on Efron in one of cinema's most bafflingly unnecessary beach scenes. The whole movie is unengaging; it seems crafted to show Efron in various stages of shirtlessness. Kidman tries to smolder with a Southern-fried accent and only partially succeeds. (4)



END OF WATCH (2012)—Here's a more suspenseful (and more violent) version of the TV show Cops. That doesn't sound like much of an endorsement, but this tale of two policemen (Jake Gyllenhaal, Michael Peña) who develop a close friendship while battling gangstas is a raw, edge-of-your-seat thriller that marvelously demonstrates how ballsy and brave our men in blue are. (9)



ARGO (2012)—True-life story of how a half-dozen Americans are rescued from a revolutionary Iran during the famous hostage crisis of 1980. The filmmakers take plenty of dramatic license, but the result is a crisp and suspenseful retelling of a secret operation that barely went off. Director-star Ben Affleck proves he deserves the hyphen. (8)



THE PERKS OF BEING A WALLFLOWER (2012)—Director Stephen Chbosky adapts his novel with a stellar cast that includes Logan Lerman, Emma Watson and Paul Rudd; it's sort of bizarre cross between Fast Times and Ordinary People. Lerman is a high-school outcast who struggles to make friends after some personal setbacks…and learns how to deal with his troubled past. This excellent comedy-drama is the first major release for Chbosky; it became a sleeper hit, deservedly so. (9)



CLOUD ATLAS (2012)—A sprawling, impossible-to-categorize semi-epic mixes science fiction, historical drama and comedy in three hours of some of the most dazzling—and confounding—images and storylines ever committed to celluloid. Stars Tom Hanks, Jim Broadbent, Hugh Grant, Halle Berry and Jim Sturgess appear in six tenuously connected tales—and playing numerous roles—that span five centuries. There's a drama involving a stowaway slave on a ship back in 1849, an investigative journalism thriller in 1973, a Blade Runner-esque sci-fi adventure in 2144, and so on. Like Love Actually, each of the stories are put in a blender, and the film's three different directors (including the Wachowskis) hit "puree." Thus, the action often flips around so fast that we'll see only a couple of lines of dialogue from one century before hurtling ahead 200 years for three lines of dialogue in the future. Fortunately, there's a kind of logic to the madness, as the stories all complement or comment on each other in some way or another. I had three gripes about the movie: first, some stories are needlessly bloated and could have benefited from some judicious editing. Second, the gimmick of Hanks and company in numerous roles proves entirely too distracting at times—too often you're taken out of a story by thinking, "Hey, that's Tom Hanks in different makeup! Third, the post-apocalyptic "distant future" episode is a bit draggy, and the conceit of having a mutated version of English will have you rolling your eyes. Still, it's a one-of-a-kind movie that kept me thinking long after the closing credits; repeated viewings can only help you appreciate all that's here. (8)



PARANORMAL ACTIVITY 4 (2012)—The first installment in this horror franchise was innovative and genuinely shocking. And it earned Paramount Pictures such a huge return on his minuscule budget that a sequel was inevitable. Lo and behold, Part 2 repeated the original's success. Now, four films in, the scares are still there, but the originality is long gone. Even so, these haunted-house movies never promise more than they deliver—we know what we're getting going in, so it's hard to complain when they keep giving us what we expect. But it sure would be cool if the upcoming Part 5 fucked with the formula, just a little. Part 4 stars uber-adorable Kathryn Newton. (8)



SEVEN PSYCHOPATHS (2012)—Here's an offbeat and quirky black comedy for people who enjoyed Fargo. Sam Rockwell (Moon) shines most brightly as one of several off-kilter wackos populating the story of a dognapping ring. The always fascinating Christopher Walken and Woody Harrelson (as a deliciously psycho crime boss) help lift this amusing crime caper to the "must-see" circle. (9)



SINISTER (2012)—Researching his next book, true-crime writer Ethan Hawke ill-advisedly moves his wife and daughter into a house where some Very Bad Things happened...and, well, you don't have to be Nostradamus to figure out what happens next. A fairly by-the-book shocker that mostly delivers what you bought your ticket for. (8)



FRANKENWEENIE (2012)—Tim Burton's stop-motion remake of his own 1984 live-action short is designed to remind you of past successes like The Nightmare Before Christmas, but despite a terrific cast and some lovely black-and-white photography, I never really fell in love with the director's love letter to Frankenstein and other monster movies of his youth. Perhaps my expectations were too high, or maybe I just wasn't in the mood for it—many embraced it as delightful, but my mind wandered for much of the proceedings. The last 15 minutes are, admittedly, a nice payoff. (6)



BIRDEMIC: SHOCK AND TERROR (2010)—Three of the stars of Mystery Science Theater 3000—now known collectively as RiffTrax—once again lampoon a shitty horror movie for laughs, and once again, the laughs pile up fast and furious. Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy and Bill Corbett heckle the so-awful-it's-hilarious Birdemic, easily one of the worst films ever made. Fortunately for the audience, their live (and completely ruthless) commentaries turn a turkey into a triumph. A nice follow-up to Plan 9 From Outer Space and Jack the Giant Killer, also fed via satellite from Nashville to theaters nationwide as part of Fathom Events. (9)



FUN SIZE (2012)—Here's that rare cinematic offering: a smutty movie fill with age-inappropriate humor aimed squarely at Nickelodeon-watching kiddies. Disguised as a cute Halloween gagfest, Nickelodeon has loaded up this alleged comedy with toilet-bowls full of bathroom humor and sex and pedophile jokes, with enough lessons on How Not to Behave for a dozen movies. The problem is that very little of the aforementioned is funny, and most of it is downright unfunny, illogical and brain-numbingly awful. It must be said, however, that star Victoria Justice (of Nick's series Victorious) is cuter than any button ever made, and it's quite easy to get lost in her eyes—even when she's sniffing her kid brother's feces or dancing like a dork in the street. Joan said this was very likely the worst movie she's ever seen, but that's just because she missed Beasts of the Southern Wild. (3)



A ROYAL AFFAIR (2012)—It's hard to imagine a movie more unlike Fun Size. Filmed largely in Sweden and Czechoslovakia, it tells the true story of a young Danish king, Christian VII (Mikkel Boe Følsgaard) and his 15-year-old bride, Caroline (Alicia Vikander), a British import who soon comes to realize that being a queen is no walk in the park when the king turns out to be a childish jerk. Enter the King's new best friend, the handsome Dr. Struensee (Mads Mikkelsen), a Liam Neeson-ish radical who the queen flips for…and who uses his friendship with the king for his own political ideals. It's all rather Shakespearean—in fact, many of the Bard's quotes are thrown around for good measure—by which I mean, it's a romantic, dramatic and tragic story. Acting, direction, costumes and locations are all first-rate. I had the good fortune to attend a screening hosted by the director and star (Alicia), both of whom I met and chatted with after the movie. The beautiful 24-year-old Alicia (a Swede) happens to be featured in both this Danish-language film as well as in the upcoming Anna Karenina, in which she plays Kitty. (9)

September 2012

With the new TV season in full swing, various work obligations, weekend trips to Las Vegas and San Jose, respectively, and the loss of my movie companion, I saw only three new movies in September (and watched nothing from my vast film archives). Here's hoping I can make up the difference by year's end. Here's what I saw:

ROBOT AND FRANK (2012)—In the not-too-distant future, an aging cat burglar (Frank Langella) is given a "helper robot" (voiced by An Education's Peter Sarsgaard) by his son (James Marsden) after the old man starts to lose his memory and his motivation. A relic from the past, Langella at first resists this technological marvel—it can wash dishes, fold laundry, prepare dinner and hold a decent conversation. None of that means a thing to Langella...until he realizes that the robot might be conscripted to participate in less legitimate tasks. This is a science-fiction film that Isaac Asimov would have relished, and thought it moves a trifle slowly and is ultimately too long, the patient viewer will reap rewards from its quiet (and very human) story. The robot is superbly manipulated and brought to "life." (8)

 
THE WORDS (2012)—The cast, which includes lovely Zoe Saldana, attracted me to this drama; fortunately, I saw it while visiting Las Vegas, before I had the chance to get scared away by the universally poor critical reviews. Co-written and co-directed by Brian Klugman and Lee Sternthal, it tells the story of a failed novelist (Bradley Cooper) who discovers a WW2-era manuscript in an old briefcase that's so good he can't resist taking credit for it. Naturally, it becomes a huge bestseller...and then the real author comes into the picture. Not only does the viewer of the movie get to experience some of the story-within-the-story, but it turns out that Cooper's story itself is the plot of a novel by another writer (Dennis Quaid). If this sounds complicated, it's because I'm not explaining it as deftly as Klugman (nephew of Jack Klugman) does. This is a film with numerous layers, and while it admittedly doesn't make a point with an appreciable impact, it tells a marvelous story—three in one, in fact! This is one of my favorite movies of the year, despite the unfair critical drubbing it received. (9)

COMPLIANCE (2012)—Back in the 1970s, there was a TV-movie called The Tenth Level that told a fictionalized version of the real-life Stanley Milgram obedience research story, in which subjects were manipulated into doing inhumane things simply because they were instructed to. Similarly, Compliance is the fictionalized version of a real-life obedience story "ripped from the headlines," as they say. Based on the true story of a prank phone caller (posing as a cop) who successfully persuaded the manager of a McDonalds restaurant to strip-searching an employee, this is a movie to make you squirm in your seat as you see the terrible action unfold beyond the mere strip search. It's made all the more chilling when you consider that these events actually occurred pretty much the way the screenplay lays it out. It's hard to watch, but equally hard to look away. Ann Dowd is terrific as the manager who is tricked into doing something reprehensible, and Dreama Walker (of TV's Don't Trust the B in Apartment 23) is sympathetic as the innocent and doe-eyed employee. Not to be missed. (9)

August 2012

NEW IN THEATERS

HOPE SPRINGS (2012)—Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones play an aging married couple who don't have sex anymore (his choice, not hers). In a last-ditch attempt to bring the spark back into their relationship, she persuades him to attend some couples-therapy sessions with Steve Carell, who has published a book on the topic. (In retrospect, I wonder why they didn't just read the book.) This is a gentle but effective romantic comedy for people over the age of 30, its leads performing flawlessly but practically upstaged by the brilliant stunt casting of funnyman Carell in a straight role with nary a punch line. (9)

 PARANORMAN (2012)—What looked like an enjoyably macabre stop-motion treat turns out to be from the folks who made the feeble Coraline and not the infinitely superior Corpse Bride. There are a few chuckles, to be sure, but the movie is, like its predecessor, a resounding bore. (4)

 CELESTE AND JESSE FOREVER (2012)—The good news is that this indie romance-comedy stars its writer, Rashida Jones (of TV's Parks & Recreation), who is quite fetching and can be very funny as well. (I've been a fan since she co-starred on Boston Public as a teenager, and more recently on The Office.) The bad news is that it's an overlong, unfocused and mostly pointless mess of a film, charting the post-breakup relationship of Celeste (Jones) and her longtime BFF Jesse, played by Andy Samberg of Saturday Night Live. The pair are totally believable as a career woman and a terminally unemployed artist, respectively, but since the movie insists on kicking off with the dissolution of their marriage, that doesn't give the story very much room to grow. There are some funny and well-conceived scenes, but it's not enough to warrant a recommendation. Mostly it's just about how Jones has no problem moving on after their breakup—that is, until Jesse suddenly (and quite unintentionally) has a new romance and important responsibilities thrust upon him; then she turns into a jealous blithering idiot. In the film, Jones is cast as a professional trend analyzer who's supposed to be a genius at making sensible conclusions from small details, but who doesn't even realize that an important work-related logo contains a depiction of a penis (which everybody else does). Meanwhile, Jesse is supposed to be an artist, but we're given no sense of the kind of art he creates—we're never given any examples of his talent, assuming he has any. (6)

FROM THE ARCHIVES

AKEELAH AND THE BEE (2006)—Before she blossomed into the drop-dead gorgeous star of films like Joyful Noise, Keke Palmer played Akeelah, a young black girl with an incredible talent for spelling. Naturally, this middle-school kid is far more mature than most of the adults in her family and school community. But then, I suppose the writers had to build some conflict somewhere beyond "I before E except after C." Palmer is pitch-perfect as the kid who, against all odds, rises through the ranks of the various spelling competitions. Also nice to see Curtis Armstrong (of Revenge of the Nerds and Moonlighting fame) as the school principal, as well as Laurence Fishburne as the girl's coach and mentor. It's a warm, reasonably involving drama with a satisfying payoff. (9)

July 2012

NEW IN THEATERS

 

 

BRAVE (2012)—Pixar unveils its first female lead, but her story is as creaky as they come—it's a predictable variation on the Beauty and the Beast fable. Nevertheless, the film is a work of art, a gorgeously animated piece, and the heroine, a 10th-century Scottish lass named Merida, is dynamically rendered and great deal of fun to watch. (9)

 

 

MAGIC MIKE (2012)—A diverting piece of romantic malarkey that offers the gals some naughty male striptease action and Channing Tatum as the main hunk in the spotlight. As Connie pointed out, Matthew McConaughey's strip joint owner/emcee is the role he was born to play, and he chews the scenery with every bare-chested fiber of his being. Cody Horn plays the object of his affection, and for me, she is the most interesting and attractive element of the film, whose poster criminally doesn't even give her billing along with its five male stars. She should have a talk with her agent. (8)

 

 

BEASTS OF THE SOUTHERN WILD (2012)—Critics pulled out every superlative in their vocabularies to praise this indie drama about a little black girl trying to survive intense and very trying times deep in the bayous of Louisiana. But to me, it was an amateurish, unfocused and above all depressing mess, painful to watch, not least because of dizzying and shaky camera movement, which typically does not bother me. Some likened its story and characters to Faulkner, and while I suppose that's an apt comparison, the production values, substandard direction and occasional fantasy elements turned me off completely. (3)

 

 

SAVAGES (2012)—A compelling action/drug movie featuring two brainless leads whose shared (!) girlfriend gets kidnapped by a Mexican cartel when a major buyout deal goes south. Worth it entirely for the no-holds-barred performance of Salma Hayek as a drug lord with unresolved mommy issues. You can sit and pick apart the plot holes in this movie all day long, but that's part of the fun of the film, directed by Oliver Stone in pure apolitical, full-on entertainment mode. (8)

 

 

THE AVENGERS (2012)—One Captain America, one Hulk, one Thor and two Iron Man films at long last digested, and I was finally ready to screen this super-superhero movie that brings them all together working in tandem (and sometimes pitted against each other). Unfortunately, it doesn't pack the punch of its predecessors—even Captain America was a better assembled and ultimately more enjoyable movie. In fact, the only one of these films I enjoyed less was The Incredible Hulk, and since that character is featured in The Avengers (albeit played by a different actor—the third consecutive chap, in fact, to essay this particular role), it's a reasonable assumption that he is the "weakest link," strong though Hulk may be. As written and directed by Buffy the Vampire Slayer wunderkind Joss Whedon, there are, naturally, flashes of visual genius and a number of truly funny one-liners (most of them delivered by wisecracking Robert Downey Jr. as Iron Man), but too many superheroes spoil the broth in this one. They really need to get rid of the Hulk, who wavers too much between pure, unpredictable anger at everyone, and impassioned hero to only the Good Guys. This is the one time where it's not smart to go green. (6)

 

 

THE QUEEN OF VERSAILLES (2012)—Where The Avengers had a budget of $60 million, this documentary was certainly put together on a comparatively microscopic budget, and while you shouldn't really compare apples to oranges, Versailles is the far more riveting of the two. Director Lauren Greenfield follows the lives of two wealthy socialites: David Siegel, the aging timeshare billionaire, and his former beauty queen wife, Jackie, whose tasteless, cleavage-exposing attire itself is worth the price of the movie ticket. We follow these unimaginably wealthy people as they set out to build Versailles, the biggest and most expensive single-family residence in the U.S., simply because they can afford to do so. (It's modeled, of course, on the famous French mansion, but conceived by rich people who still love to eat at McDonalds.) When the national financial catastrophe occurs, though, they find themselves at a crossroads and suddenly unable to continue funding the project (or even live precisely in the manner they previously had.) In one brilliant scene, David berates his family members for leaving the lights burning when nobody's home. The movie will leave you outraged, befuddled and laughing your ass off—sometimes simultaneously. It's a minor masterpiece. (10)

 

FROM THE ARCHIVES

 

DAMN YANKEES (1958)—Douglass Wallop's 1954 novel The Year the Yankees Lost the Pennant became a successful Broadway musical in 1955, so this hot property was a natural for a film. It's the famous Faust story told in a baseball setting, featuring Ray "My Favorite Martian" Walston as the devil, making a pact with Stephen Douglass to become baseball hero Tab Hunter while Gwen Verdon ("Whatever Lola Wants") struts smolderingly in her career-making role. Actually, for as sexy as Verdon's character is supposed to be (at least in 1950s terms), I wasn't remotely attracted to her. But the movie is plenty of fun anyway—I'd spent the previous week getting to know all of the show's songs via iTunes, so seeing them performed in context was a real kick. I have never seen Walston less than perfect in anything he's ever been in. (8)

 

 

THE INCREDIBLE HULK (2008)—I was not a fan of the original Marvel comic book (it debuted in 1962), or of the popular 1977 TV series starring Lou Ferrigno as the Hulk, nor did I see Ang Lee's 2003 film adaptation, Hulk. The only reason I bothered with this 2008 reboot was to better appreciate this summer's aforementioned The Avengers movie, populated by vastly more entertaining (yet admittedly less smashy) superheroes. There's a one-dimensional Army bad guy (virtually unrecognizable William Hurt), a pretty love interest (Liv Tyler) and a boring big green guy. The movie watchable but not terribly compelling; barely three weeks later, I can hardly remember any of it. Hulk certainly does smash a lot of stuff, though. As Bruce Banner, Hulk's alter ego, poor Ed Norton was replaced by Mark Ruffalo for The Avengers, and both have done far better work elsewhere. (6)

 

 

HALF NELSON (2006)—Ryan Gosling plays Dan, a high-school teacher with a secret: he's a coke addict. And although he seems intelligent and has a loose, freewheeling teaching style that keeps his inner-city students at least awake, he (idiotically) gets high in the school locker room and is caught by one of his female students, Drey (Shareeka Epps). The awkward moment actually helps Dan and Drey form a bond resembling something like a friendship, but irony rears its ugly head when Dan becomes protective of Drey when it is revealed that certain members of her family circle are involved in the drug trade. Get it? Because he's into drugs too! It's only a matter of time before impressionable Drey will become involved in drugs herself…or will she somehow avoid the mistakes of the adults around her? That's the question posed by the movie, and although there are a number of solid performances (highlighted by Epps), I would have been happier with a bit more drama and a more satisfying resolution. (7)

June 2012

Now that the 2011-2012 TV season is over, I'm able to draw more heavily from my bottomless archive of old flicks. This month I was, however, able to squeeze in all 10 half-hour episodes of HBO's "Girls," which I watched while sick in one five-hour block. This month, I also dragged my friend Anna to see a Woody Allen double feature of Love and Death and Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex. Here's my report on what I watched in June.

NEW IN THEATERS

SNOW WHITE AND THE HUNTSMAN (2012)—Comparisons to the year's first live-action Snow White movie, Mirror Mirror, are inevitable. While I wasn't 100 percent enchanted by that retelling of the famous fairy tale, the sweet personality of Lily Allen as the sweet heroine enhances the earlier film's stature in my mind. Kristen Stewart, who hit just the right note of sullen teenage angst in the original Twilight, is completely without charm. That's no doubt because Huntsman’s filmmakers are going after the existing Twilight audience, and the cynical calculatedness of it all detracts from the movie. Pulling ideas and special effects from seemingly dozens of other films and TV series, from Braveheart to Lord of the Rings, and ultimately hobbles itself from a distinct lack of originality—I really don't need to see another magical person sucking the life force out of a victim's mouth (à la The Green Mile and Buffy the Vampire Slayer) one more time. Show us something new, for God's sake! It's unlikely, though, as producers are reportedly hoping to turn this into a franchise as well. What this Snow White needs is more Bashful, which is why I couldn't resist inserting him into the poster. (6)

SAFETY NOT GUARANTEED (2012)—Good reviews got me interested in this offbeat story of a weirdo (Mark Duplass) who places an odd classified ad looking for someone to time-travel with him. A pretty young reporter answers the ad, intending to write up his story in her newspaper. What's that? Someone lies to another person, falls in love and then the lie is revealed? Yes, God help me, it's THAT plot again. The film is virtually carried on the shoulders of star Aubrey Plaza (of "Parks and Recreation" fame), but it proves to be too much for her—it all starts off a little too silly and ends up beyond preposterous. (4)

PROMETHEUS (2012)—A semi-prequel to the Alien series, this is another scary, suspenseful space epic with some multidimensional human characters and some very nasty extraterrestrials. Add to the mix a splendid Michael Fassbender as an android with unknown motives, and Swedish actress Noomi Rapace (of the European Dragon Tattoo films) doing a convincing British accent and essentially filling the shoes of Alien's Ripley character. The movie was impressive, mysterious and downright scary enough to warrant my seeing it twice—once alone, once with Joan. (9)

TO ROME WITH LOVE (2012)—The latest from Woody Allen's "Let's film in Europe!" tour. It's been a bumpy ride, with an output that has been alternately derivative (Match Point), smoldering (Vicky Cristina Barcelona), silly (You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger), forgettable (Scoop) and surprisingly profitable (Midnight in Paris). But for my money, the funniest is Woody's latest, which sews together four different tales, one starring the writer-director himself and two of them performed in Italian. I am admittedly a fan of portmanteau films, having devoted a large part of my movie-watching time in the last three or four years to chasing down as many old ones as I can find. This one makes a terrific addition to Love, Actually and Paris Je T’aime, two splendid examples from modern times. I liked To Rome With Love even more than the mega-popular Midnight in Paris, my only slight quibble being that the segment featuring Allen belabors its modest punchline. Still, it's a very enjoyable piece of work. (9)

SEEKING A FRIEND FOR THE END OF THE WORLD (2012)—Not a very enjoyable piece of work is this apocalyptic romance, its plot having been virtually lifted from the 1998 Canadian film Last Night, featuring Don McKellar and Sandra Oh as people discovering true love in the final hours of the planet's existence. This version starts the normally reliable Steve Carell (Crazy, Stupid, Love) and Keira Knightley (from the aforementioned Love, Actually) as mismatched strangers whose unsteady union may be the most boring romance ever captured on celluloid. In this movie, scenes of rioting and desperation alternate with others in which people carry on in ordinary fashion, cutting the grass or going to work as usual. Amid the dullness, there's one very funny joke involving a spider bite, but that was about it for me. Amazingly, Joan liked the movie a lot—one of the rare times she has enjoyed something considerably more than I did. (2)

YOUR SISTER'S SISTER (2012)—Largely improvised (or so I read), here's an adult romcom that in turns surprises, moves and amuses. Jack (Mark Duplass, so annoying in this month's Safety Not Guaranteed) plays a fellow still grieving after his brother's death. His best friend Iris (beautiful Emily Blunt), who had dated the brother, offers up her Puget Sound cabin as a way for Duplass to decompress. There he finds Iris's sister Hannah (Rosemarie DeWitt), and the movie takes off. Doesn't sound like much, but what follows is a sheer delight. At times, director Lynn Shelton's three-character comedy-drama seems like a filmed stage play, but the three leads are so likable that you never find yourself wanting more. (9)

TED (2012)—Mark Wahlberg (age 41) plays a Bostonian (age 35) who still loves his childhood teddy bear named Ted. The gimmick here is that Ted is inexplicably alive—and exhibiting all of the traits a regular Joe from Boston might have (smokes pot, makes lewd comments, is a bad driver, etc.). The film's basic conflict is that Mark can’t bear to sever ties with his best friend, grow up and be a responsible mate to his beautiful girlfriend, who's understandably growing tired of playing second fiddle to a stuffed animal. The special effects are extremely impressive, but not as impressive as the fact that by halfway through the movie, the audience has virtually stopped thinking of Ted as a special effect and has accepted him as a real character. There's lots of great jokes in writer-director Seth MacFarlane's shaggy-bear story, many of them of the pop-culture-reference variety that happen work very well on me; MacFarlane also provides the voice of Ted. I could have done with about three-quarters of the scatological jokes, but they’re worth putting up with for the rest. (8)


FROM THE ARCHIVES

SINGAPORE (1947)—A VHS gift from Nancy (sister of Joan, my constant movie companion). In this noirish romance, Fred MacMurray plays a diamond smuggler in the titular country; during the war, he flees after his girlfriend (Ava Gardner) is apparently killed. Returning some years later to retrieve some jewels he left behind, he accidentally discovers that Gardner is still alive, but suffering from amnesia. Should MacMurray try to win her back from her new flame? The stars are all very watchable and the scenery is fun to watch, but the stars wear nothing like the costumes they've donned for the movie poster! Featuring U.S.-born actress Maylia in a role where she does a laughably bad Chinese accident. (8)

TOBY TYLER (1960)—A boy (Kevin Corcoran) whose adoptive parents treat him rather poorly runs away and joins the circus. There he meets a lovable chimp and adults who both protect him and try to take advantage of him. Based on a beloved children's book by James Otis Kaler, this Disney production of Toby Tyler is the quintessential movie about running away and joining the circus. (8)

ONLY ANGELS HAVE WINGS (1939)——I was thinking of seeing this at the local revival cinema during their recent Cary Grant film festival, but then I realized that I already had it on my hard drive. So instead of driving out and seeing it on the big screen, I lazily sat on my ass and watched it on my computer. Ha! It's the classic Howard Hawks-directed story of a small air freight company being run out of a bar and grill owned by Sig Ruman, delivering mail from an unmade South American country. Cary is in charge, and in between losing planes in bad weather and trying to recruit new pilots, he meets a pretty tourist (Jean Arthur) and deals with various staffing issues. It doesn't sound particularly enthralling, but the film is quite gripping and throws in some nice doses of comedy along with the drama. (9)

BROTHER ORCHID (1940)—It starts out like a typical Edward G. Robinson gangster movie, but after doing battle with a rival crime gang, Ed hides out in a monastery and actually starts to grow a soul. It takes a mighty long while to get to the point, but there's pleasures to be had along the way, including some enjoyable comedy bits. (One line about a vibrator had me doing a double-take—funny how slang changes over the years.) As Joan pointed out, the 1955 movie We’re No Angels (remade with Sean Penn in 1989) has some similar themes. (8)

LADIES IN RETIREMENT (1941)—Ida Lupino has a great job as head housekeeper in a lovely mansion owned by wealthy former actress (Isobel Elsom). Unfortunately, Lupino also has two crazily daffy sisters who are being ousted from their current digs. Desperate not to see them put in an asylum, she begs her employer to let them stay temporarily at the mansion. But the nutty sisters soon outwear their welcome, and are instructed by Elsom to leave. What to do? How about...MURDER? Based on the 1940 Broadway thriller, the film version is fun and kept me guessing till the end. And even after the film has ending, I'm still guessing about the somewhat ambiguous resolution. (9)

CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE FIRST AVENGER (2011)—I am determined to see The Avengers, but I hate seeing serials out of sequence. Unfortunately, I was only familiar with one of the superheroes' backstories (Iron Man), and The Avengers is about a whole bunch of superheroes. That means that in order to completely understand and appreciate The Avengers, I must get up to speed with the other characters in the "Marvel Universe." Step One was to view Captain America, starring Chris Evans as an aspiring WWII soldier who gets the laboratory treatment (by military scientist Stanley Tucci) that turns him into a super-strong soldier. He fights and of course defeats the very, very mean Nazi villain, who has some sort of otherworldly glowing cube that's right out of an Indiana Jones flick. The movie eventually explains how a guy from the 1940s can find his way into the present day in order to team up with the other superheroes. (8)

IRON MAN 2 (2010)—I greatly enjoyed 2008’s Iron Man, which succeeded largely because of Robert Downey Jr.'s delightfully comic performance as Tony Stark. Mediocre reviews kept me away from the sequel, but it turns out to be more of the same fun formula, with another despicable baddie (Mickey Rourke), this one in his own weaponized metal suit. Fortunately, I've already seen (and loved) 2011's Thor, so all that's left is The Incredible Hulk, which I'm about halfway done watching as of this writing. I sure hope all of this legwork was worth it for The Avengers! (9)

May 2012

May is when all of my TV shows race to the finish line, so there were lots of season finales to watch: American Idol, Modern Family, Simpsons, Law and Order: Special Victims Unit, The Office, Desperate Housewives and House—those last two also being the series finales. (Traditionally, once we enter the summer months and I don't have so many televisual obligations, the movie count ramps up.) This was also the month that I visited Jay in Palo Alto to see Zorba! and some other plays, then picked up my cruise-ship friend Mayshel at the Carnival Splendor and took her to Disneyland before putting her on a plane back to Manila. So it was a fairly busy month. Still, I managed to fit in half a dozen movies. Here's what I watched.  

FIRST-RUN      

MIRROR MIRROR (2012)—The first of this year's two live-action versions of the Snow White story isn't going to make anybody forget about the definitive Disney animated version, which is a bit of an understatement. Having said that, this particular take—starring Julia Roberts as the evil Queen Clementianna and Lily Collins as Snow White—is a perfectly fine movie for families with little kids. As it was a free screening at Paramount (thanks, Joan!), I was able to enjoy it a bit more than I would have had I paid money to see what is essentially a movie for the small fry; some of it is a bit too broad and slapsticky for my tastes, and the director gets an awful lot of mileage out of the limited number of cast members and sets. Casting the now 44-year-old Roberts to play the wicked stepmother instead of the ingenue is a little heartbreaking (she was 23 when Pretty Woman was released—the same age Collins is now), but I suppose it will be Collins' turn to play mean older bitches in 20 years' time. They've made Collins up to look like Audrey Hepburn, and she's great in the part. Probably my favorite part of the movie was the song played over the closing credits, which is staged to look like a Bollywood musical—which makes sense, as the director of this particular film is Punjab-born Tarsem Singh. As I write these words, I'm planning to see the Snow White and the Huntsman tomorrow, and I'm hoping for a bit less juvenilia from that version. (7)

THE BEST EXOTIC MARIGOLD HOTEL (2012)—Miami Herald film reviewer Connie Ogle called this The Avengers for fans of Downton Abbey, since the movie stars two of the elderly actresses (Maggie Smith and Penelope Wilton) from the famous British series. Given that I'm a big Downton fan, this film was represented in the titles I was most excited to see when I made that list at the beginning of 2012. The film half a dozen or characters pushing 70 who decide to take up residence in a retired persons' hotel in India, hoping to take advantage of the health care options and other perks while enduring the unsavory local cuisine and dilapidated conditions of the hotel. The story also involves the young man (Dev Patel) who's struggling to run the hotel while making time for his squeeze (the best exotic Tena Desae) against his mother's wishes. The movie is sweet and charming, with a redemption theme for Maggie Smith, a couple of romances and some gentle comedy. The terrific cast includes the always-reliable Judi Dench and Bill Nighy. (8)    

THE DICTATOR (2012)—The second of this month's free screenings, another at Paramount (thanks again, Joan!). This is the latest of Sacha Baron Cohen's latest "character" comedies, following up on movies featuring loathsome, heavily accented jerks (Ali G, Borat, Bruno). This one is notable by being a more traditionally scripted affair, with none of the guerilla-type improvisational goofery of the earlier movies. In some ways, though, there are probably just as many laughs in this one (and it's certainly funnier than Bruno), despite the familiar storyline, which is something not unlike Coming to America. There's some toilet humor I could have done without, but the high quotient of hilariously anti-PC and satirical humor make it entirely worth seeing. (8)    

THE INTOUCHABLES (2012)—The last of May's free screenings (this one at the Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences—thanks, Irene!) is a huge box-office smash in France with a terrible title. But it's a crowd-pleasing flick, the story of a white multi-millionaire paralyzed from the neck down who hires a "wacky" black former hoodlum to tend to his many personal needs. You know the drill—they're an unlikely pair, and they come to really care for each other! Despite the contrivance, it's fitfully entertaining and the actors do a good job…although François Cluzet as the millionaire resembles actor Dustin Hoffman so much as to be occasionally distracting. (8)    

MOONRISE KINGDOM (2012)—I am not a fan of director Wes Anderson, but I was curious to check out this quirky tale about a pair of 12-year-old kids in the early 1960s who fall in love and run away together. This catapults various parents, guardians and law enforcement officials—as well as the local Boy Scout troupe—into a race to hunt them down. It's all adorably oddball and curiously engaging, running a teensy bit long (even at 94 minutes), but worth it for the affecting performances of the child leads—nobody else in the extremely talented cast, which includes Bill Murray, Bruce Willis, Frances McDormand, Edward Norton and Tilda Swinton, can match their eccentric charm, although Bob Balaban comes terribly close. (8)

On DVD    

BLOOD RIVER (2009)—My sole refuge to the archives is this obscure psychological thriller, which stars Ian Duncan and Tess Panzer as an attractive couple driving through the desert and running into trouble in the form of a menacing badass played by Andrew Howard…who may or may not be someone otherworldly. The movie combines both Western and fantasy elements, although it takes a mighty long time for the producers to let the viewer in on what's really going on. I was hoping for moments of sheer terror and gripping suspense, but although Howard's character is a potentially insane nutcase (or something even weirder), it's not as effective chiller as it might have been. Even so, it is technically and visually perfect and does provide a couple of genuine thrills. (7)

April 2012

I'm getting to the April movie report card more than a couple of weeks late, owing to God knows what. April was marked by a week-long trip to Lake Havasu, where I tested boats and attended (for the first time!) the famous Desert Storm poker run. I didn't see a great deal of movies in April, but I did fit in a few. In retrospect, it appears April was a pretty disastrous month, moviewise.

AMERICAN REUNION (2012)—I had not planned on seeing the latest installment in the American Pie franchise, but Yasmine Tsu wanted to see it, so I took her. Given my virtually nonexistent expectations, it turned out to be a generally entertaining romp, with the usual gross-out humor for the guys and a heaping helping of sentimentaility for the gals. Assuming this is the last of the Pie flicks, it would serve as a fitting capper. There's a nice twist at the end of the movie involving the Steve Stifler character (as always, capably portrayed by Seann William Scott). (8)

THE THREE STOOGES (2012)—I have never been a Stooges fan, but for some reason, I was very curious to see modern-day actors portraying Moe, Larry and Curly, whose popuarity dates back to the early days of vaudeville. For a guy who doesn't really care for slapstick, I have to admit that the impersonations carried the movie for me rather well. It's split up into three "shorts," in the tradition of their famous films from the '30s, '40s and '50s. Perhaps owing to the fact that I wasn't a Stooges enthusiast, the modern characterizations seemed almost supernaturally realistic—it's hard to single out Chris Diamantopoulos (Moe), Sean Hayes (Larry) or Will Sasso (Curly), because all of them are dead-on perfect. It was great to see Larry David in drag as a nun, and there are three very attractive females in the cast: Sofia Vergara (Modern Family), Sports Illustrated supermodel Kate Upton and Filipina-American Emy Coligado. It's a very silly movie by design and, as directed by the Farrelly brothers (who obviously have a deep love for the source material), it's totally successful doing what it's supposed to do. (8)

CABIN IN THE WOODS (2012)—Unlike the previous two movies, this was one I had been anticipating for years; originally slated for an early 2010 release, it was pushed back when MGM filed for bankruptcy. The reason for my interest: the screenwriter was Joss Whedon of Buffy the Vampire Slayer fame. The gimmick of the film is that they've taken a very tired premise (a bunch of attractive young adults spend a weekend in an isolated spot amid sinister forces, à la Friday the 13th) and turned it on its head with an added supernatural twist that involves TV stars Bradley Whitford (The West Wing) and Richard Jenkins (Six Feet Under). Unashamedly meta and liberally tongue-in-cheek, I nonetheless found myself growing increasingly impatient with the five stereotypical college kids—stoner, slut, egghead, jock, virgin—I mean, come on! I realize it's supposed to be satirical, but the fact that these five people are friends is way harder to believe than any of the creepy and demonic elements of the movie. Overlying twist notwithstanding, this is essentially a stupid slasher movie, and it left me rather cold. My friend Anna, who saw it around the same time I did, sums it all up perfectly:

"For me it was a wankfest for the writers, and way too much going on at the 11th hour to be plausible at all, even within the fantasy realm. They would have benefitted from a bit of 'less is more.' It also felt like a ripoff of Cube, with elements of The Truman Show. It also felt like they were smoking a lot of pot when they wrote that script. I mean...the stoner is the smart guy who figures everything out?" 

A major disappointment. (5)

21 JUMP STREET (2012)—I never saw the original 1980s TV series that made Johnny Depp a teen idol, and I wish I could say that I never saw this tepid film adaptation (starring the already massively overexposed Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum), a stupid and boring "comedy" that puts all of its mildly amusing bits into the trailer and fills out the rest of the movie with car-chase scenes. A waste of time that somehow won acclaim from some fairly noteworthy reviewers. (4)

BULLY (2012)—Joan invited me to Paramount for a free screening of this documentary, which captures the lives and tribulations of a number of bullied school kids across the U.S. Though very well-meaning and occasionally enlightening, the movie was all but ruined by the cinematographer's absurd stylistic deicison to keep going in and out of focus at random times, which only caused us to wonder if we were slowly going blind. A genuine pity, because this would have been much more compelling if we had been allowed to, you know, FOCUS ON WHAT WAS BEING DOCUMENTED! (6)

  ON DVD...

ANCHORMAN: THE LEGEND OF RON BURGUNDY (2004)—This always seemed to be one of the innumerable dumb movies starring an alumnus of Saturday Night Live, hardly worth my time any more than, say, Superstar or MacGruber. I know Will Ferrell is universally considered to be outrageously funny—just because I can't think of anything he's ever done that made me laugh doesn't mean he isn't. Yet I am definitely not a fan, and what I've seen of his film work (Melinda and Melinda, Stranger Than Fiction) hasn't exactly rocked my universe. So this film selection might strike you as a trifle bizarre. The reason I picked it is because I recently read a book by a very funny female TV writer/actress, Mindy Kaling (The Office), who spoke at length about what a hilarious movie this is, and how funny Ferrell is in particular. I had no reason to disbelieve her, as I totally respect everything she's done in conjunction with the office. But Kaling's audiobook, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?, turns out to be infinitely funnier and far better written and performed than Anchorman—I saw it only weeks ago and remember almost nothing about it. Well, I do remember that there was a male chauvinist theme involving a female TV anchor played by Christina Applegate, who has some unfortunate dialogue referencing the beauty of her own breasts—which, given the fact that the actress has since had a double mascectomy, seems a bit macabre in retrospect. Honestly, I don't think I smiled or chuckled more than once or twice during the movie, which is not a good thing for an allegedly hilarious comedy. So why does everybody seem to love the film, and Ferrell? One thing is for sure: this actor must have the crookedest lower teeth in the history of cinema. (5)