August 2012

NEW IN THEATERS

HOPE SPRINGS (2012)—Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones play an aging married couple who don't have sex anymore (his choice, not hers). In a last-ditch attempt to bring the spark back into their relationship, she persuades him to attend some couples-therapy sessions with Steve Carell, who has published a book on the topic. (In retrospect, I wonder why they didn't just read the book.) This is a gentle but effective romantic comedy for people over the age of 30, its leads performing flawlessly but practically upstaged by the brilliant stunt casting of funnyman Carell in a straight role with nary a punch line. (9)

 PARANORMAN (2012)—What looked like an enjoyably macabre stop-motion treat turns out to be from the folks who made the feeble Coraline and not the infinitely superior Corpse Bride. There are a few chuckles, to be sure, but the movie is, like its predecessor, a resounding bore. (4)

 CELESTE AND JESSE FOREVER (2012)—The good news is that this indie romance-comedy stars its writer, Rashida Jones (of TV's Parks & Recreation), who is quite fetching and can be very funny as well. (I've been a fan since she co-starred on Boston Public as a teenager, and more recently on The Office.) The bad news is that it's an overlong, unfocused and mostly pointless mess of a film, charting the post-breakup relationship of Celeste (Jones) and her longtime BFF Jesse, played by Andy Samberg of Saturday Night Live. The pair are totally believable as a career woman and a terminally unemployed artist, respectively, but since the movie insists on kicking off with the dissolution of their marriage, that doesn't give the story very much room to grow. There are some funny and well-conceived scenes, but it's not enough to warrant a recommendation. Mostly it's just about how Jones has no problem moving on after their breakup—that is, until Jesse suddenly (and quite unintentionally) has a new romance and important responsibilities thrust upon him; then she turns into a jealous blithering idiot. In the film, Jones is cast as a professional trend analyzer who's supposed to be a genius at making sensible conclusions from small details, but who doesn't even realize that an important work-related logo contains a depiction of a penis (which everybody else does). Meanwhile, Jesse is supposed to be an artist, but we're given no sense of the kind of art he creates—we're never given any examples of his talent, assuming he has any. (6)

FROM THE ARCHIVES

AKEELAH AND THE BEE (2006)—Before she blossomed into the drop-dead gorgeous star of films like Joyful Noise, Keke Palmer played Akeelah, a young black girl with an incredible talent for spelling. Naturally, this middle-school kid is far more mature than most of the adults in her family and school community. But then, I suppose the writers had to build some conflict somewhere beyond "I before E except after C." Palmer is pitch-perfect as the kid who, against all odds, rises through the ranks of the various spelling competitions. Also nice to see Curtis Armstrong (of Revenge of the Nerds and Moonlighting fame) as the school principal, as well as Laurence Fishburne as the girl's coach and mentor. It's a warm, reasonably involving drama with a satisfying payoff. (9)

July 2012

NEW IN THEATERS

 

 

BRAVE (2012)—Pixar unveils its first female lead, but her story is as creaky as they come—it's a predictable variation on the Beauty and the Beast fable. Nevertheless, the film is a work of art, a gorgeously animated piece, and the heroine, a 10th-century Scottish lass named Merida, is dynamically rendered and great deal of fun to watch. (9)

 

 

MAGIC MIKE (2012)—A diverting piece of romantic malarkey that offers the gals some naughty male striptease action and Channing Tatum as the main hunk in the spotlight. As Connie pointed out, Matthew McConaughey's strip joint owner/emcee is the role he was born to play, and he chews the scenery with every bare-chested fiber of his being. Cody Horn plays the object of his affection, and for me, she is the most interesting and attractive element of the film, whose poster criminally doesn't even give her billing along with its five male stars. She should have a talk with her agent. (8)

 

 

BEASTS OF THE SOUTHERN WILD (2012)—Critics pulled out every superlative in their vocabularies to praise this indie drama about a little black girl trying to survive intense and very trying times deep in the bayous of Louisiana. But to me, it was an amateurish, unfocused and above all depressing mess, painful to watch, not least because of dizzying and shaky camera movement, which typically does not bother me. Some likened its story and characters to Faulkner, and while I suppose that's an apt comparison, the production values, substandard direction and occasional fantasy elements turned me off completely. (3)

 

 

SAVAGES (2012)—A compelling action/drug movie featuring two brainless leads whose shared (!) girlfriend gets kidnapped by a Mexican cartel when a major buyout deal goes south. Worth it entirely for the no-holds-barred performance of Salma Hayek as a drug lord with unresolved mommy issues. You can sit and pick apart the plot holes in this movie all day long, but that's part of the fun of the film, directed by Oliver Stone in pure apolitical, full-on entertainment mode. (8)

 

 

THE AVENGERS (2012)—One Captain America, one Hulk, one Thor and two Iron Man films at long last digested, and I was finally ready to screen this super-superhero movie that brings them all together working in tandem (and sometimes pitted against each other). Unfortunately, it doesn't pack the punch of its predecessors—even Captain America was a better assembled and ultimately more enjoyable movie. In fact, the only one of these films I enjoyed less was The Incredible Hulk, and since that character is featured in The Avengers (albeit played by a different actor—the third consecutive chap, in fact, to essay this particular role), it's a reasonable assumption that he is the "weakest link," strong though Hulk may be. As written and directed by Buffy the Vampire Slayer wunderkind Joss Whedon, there are, naturally, flashes of visual genius and a number of truly funny one-liners (most of them delivered by wisecracking Robert Downey Jr. as Iron Man), but too many superheroes spoil the broth in this one. They really need to get rid of the Hulk, who wavers too much between pure, unpredictable anger at everyone, and impassioned hero to only the Good Guys. This is the one time where it's not smart to go green. (6)

 

 

THE QUEEN OF VERSAILLES (2012)—Where The Avengers had a budget of $60 million, this documentary was certainly put together on a comparatively microscopic budget, and while you shouldn't really compare apples to oranges, Versailles is the far more riveting of the two. Director Lauren Greenfield follows the lives of two wealthy socialites: David Siegel, the aging timeshare billionaire, and his former beauty queen wife, Jackie, whose tasteless, cleavage-exposing attire itself is worth the price of the movie ticket. We follow these unimaginably wealthy people as they set out to build Versailles, the biggest and most expensive single-family residence in the U.S., simply because they can afford to do so. (It's modeled, of course, on the famous French mansion, but conceived by rich people who still love to eat at McDonalds.) When the national financial catastrophe occurs, though, they find themselves at a crossroads and suddenly unable to continue funding the project (or even live precisely in the manner they previously had.) In one brilliant scene, David berates his family members for leaving the lights burning when nobody's home. The movie will leave you outraged, befuddled and laughing your ass off—sometimes simultaneously. It's a minor masterpiece. (10)

 

FROM THE ARCHIVES

 

DAMN YANKEES (1958)—Douglass Wallop's 1954 novel The Year the Yankees Lost the Pennant became a successful Broadway musical in 1955, so this hot property was a natural for a film. It's the famous Faust story told in a baseball setting, featuring Ray "My Favorite Martian" Walston as the devil, making a pact with Stephen Douglass to become baseball hero Tab Hunter while Gwen Verdon ("Whatever Lola Wants") struts smolderingly in her career-making role. Actually, for as sexy as Verdon's character is supposed to be (at least in 1950s terms), I wasn't remotely attracted to her. But the movie is plenty of fun anyway—I'd spent the previous week getting to know all of the show's songs via iTunes, so seeing them performed in context was a real kick. I have never seen Walston less than perfect in anything he's ever been in. (8)

 

 

THE INCREDIBLE HULK (2008)—I was not a fan of the original Marvel comic book (it debuted in 1962), or of the popular 1977 TV series starring Lou Ferrigno as the Hulk, nor did I see Ang Lee's 2003 film adaptation, Hulk. The only reason I bothered with this 2008 reboot was to better appreciate this summer's aforementioned The Avengers movie, populated by vastly more entertaining (yet admittedly less smashy) superheroes. There's a one-dimensional Army bad guy (virtually unrecognizable William Hurt), a pretty love interest (Liv Tyler) and a boring big green guy. The movie watchable but not terribly compelling; barely three weeks later, I can hardly remember any of it. Hulk certainly does smash a lot of stuff, though. As Bruce Banner, Hulk's alter ego, poor Ed Norton was replaced by Mark Ruffalo for The Avengers, and both have done far better work elsewhere. (6)

 

 

HALF NELSON (2006)—Ryan Gosling plays Dan, a high-school teacher with a secret: he's a coke addict. And although he seems intelligent and has a loose, freewheeling teaching style that keeps his inner-city students at least awake, he (idiotically) gets high in the school locker room and is caught by one of his female students, Drey (Shareeka Epps). The awkward moment actually helps Dan and Drey form a bond resembling something like a friendship, but irony rears its ugly head when Dan becomes protective of Drey when it is revealed that certain members of her family circle are involved in the drug trade. Get it? Because he's into drugs too! It's only a matter of time before impressionable Drey will become involved in drugs herself…or will she somehow avoid the mistakes of the adults around her? That's the question posed by the movie, and although there are a number of solid performances (highlighted by Epps), I would have been happier with a bit more drama and a more satisfying resolution. (7)

June 2012

Now that the 2011-2012 TV season is over, I'm able to draw more heavily from my bottomless archive of old flicks. This month I was, however, able to squeeze in all 10 half-hour episodes of HBO's "Girls," which I watched while sick in one five-hour block. This month, I also dragged my friend Anna to see a Woody Allen double feature of Love and Death and Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex. Here's my report on what I watched in June.

NEW IN THEATERS

SNOW WHITE AND THE HUNTSMAN (2012)—Comparisons to the year's first live-action Snow White movie, Mirror Mirror, are inevitable. While I wasn't 100 percent enchanted by that retelling of the famous fairy tale, the sweet personality of Lily Allen as the sweet heroine enhances the earlier film's stature in my mind. Kristen Stewart, who hit just the right note of sullen teenage angst in the original Twilight, is completely without charm. That's no doubt because Huntsman’s filmmakers are going after the existing Twilight audience, and the cynical calculatedness of it all detracts from the movie. Pulling ideas and special effects from seemingly dozens of other films and TV series, from Braveheart to Lord of the Rings, and ultimately hobbles itself from a distinct lack of originality—I really don't need to see another magical person sucking the life force out of a victim's mouth (à la The Green Mile and Buffy the Vampire Slayer) one more time. Show us something new, for God's sake! It's unlikely, though, as producers are reportedly hoping to turn this into a franchise as well. What this Snow White needs is more Bashful, which is why I couldn't resist inserting him into the poster. (6)

SAFETY NOT GUARANTEED (2012)—Good reviews got me interested in this offbeat story of a weirdo (Mark Duplass) who places an odd classified ad looking for someone to time-travel with him. A pretty young reporter answers the ad, intending to write up his story in her newspaper. What's that? Someone lies to another person, falls in love and then the lie is revealed? Yes, God help me, it's THAT plot again. The film is virtually carried on the shoulders of star Aubrey Plaza (of "Parks and Recreation" fame), but it proves to be too much for her—it all starts off a little too silly and ends up beyond preposterous. (4)

PROMETHEUS (2012)—A semi-prequel to the Alien series, this is another scary, suspenseful space epic with some multidimensional human characters and some very nasty extraterrestrials. Add to the mix a splendid Michael Fassbender as an android with unknown motives, and Swedish actress Noomi Rapace (of the European Dragon Tattoo films) doing a convincing British accent and essentially filling the shoes of Alien's Ripley character. The movie was impressive, mysterious and downright scary enough to warrant my seeing it twice—once alone, once with Joan. (9)

TO ROME WITH LOVE (2012)—The latest from Woody Allen's "Let's film in Europe!" tour. It's been a bumpy ride, with an output that has been alternately derivative (Match Point), smoldering (Vicky Cristina Barcelona), silly (You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger), forgettable (Scoop) and surprisingly profitable (Midnight in Paris). But for my money, the funniest is Woody's latest, which sews together four different tales, one starring the writer-director himself and two of them performed in Italian. I am admittedly a fan of portmanteau films, having devoted a large part of my movie-watching time in the last three or four years to chasing down as many old ones as I can find. This one makes a terrific addition to Love, Actually and Paris Je T’aime, two splendid examples from modern times. I liked To Rome With Love even more than the mega-popular Midnight in Paris, my only slight quibble being that the segment featuring Allen belabors its modest punchline. Still, it's a very enjoyable piece of work. (9)

SEEKING A FRIEND FOR THE END OF THE WORLD (2012)—Not a very enjoyable piece of work is this apocalyptic romance, its plot having been virtually lifted from the 1998 Canadian film Last Night, featuring Don McKellar and Sandra Oh as people discovering true love in the final hours of the planet's existence. This version starts the normally reliable Steve Carell (Crazy, Stupid, Love) and Keira Knightley (from the aforementioned Love, Actually) as mismatched strangers whose unsteady union may be the most boring romance ever captured on celluloid. In this movie, scenes of rioting and desperation alternate with others in which people carry on in ordinary fashion, cutting the grass or going to work as usual. Amid the dullness, there's one very funny joke involving a spider bite, but that was about it for me. Amazingly, Joan liked the movie a lot—one of the rare times she has enjoyed something considerably more than I did. (2)

YOUR SISTER'S SISTER (2012)—Largely improvised (or so I read), here's an adult romcom that in turns surprises, moves and amuses. Jack (Mark Duplass, so annoying in this month's Safety Not Guaranteed) plays a fellow still grieving after his brother's death. His best friend Iris (beautiful Emily Blunt), who had dated the brother, offers up her Puget Sound cabin as a way for Duplass to decompress. There he finds Iris's sister Hannah (Rosemarie DeWitt), and the movie takes off. Doesn't sound like much, but what follows is a sheer delight. At times, director Lynn Shelton's three-character comedy-drama seems like a filmed stage play, but the three leads are so likable that you never find yourself wanting more. (9)

TED (2012)—Mark Wahlberg (age 41) plays a Bostonian (age 35) who still loves his childhood teddy bear named Ted. The gimmick here is that Ted is inexplicably alive—and exhibiting all of the traits a regular Joe from Boston might have (smokes pot, makes lewd comments, is a bad driver, etc.). The film's basic conflict is that Mark can’t bear to sever ties with his best friend, grow up and be a responsible mate to his beautiful girlfriend, who's understandably growing tired of playing second fiddle to a stuffed animal. The special effects are extremely impressive, but not as impressive as the fact that by halfway through the movie, the audience has virtually stopped thinking of Ted as a special effect and has accepted him as a real character. There's lots of great jokes in writer-director Seth MacFarlane's shaggy-bear story, many of them of the pop-culture-reference variety that happen work very well on me; MacFarlane also provides the voice of Ted. I could have done with about three-quarters of the scatological jokes, but they’re worth putting up with for the rest. (8)


FROM THE ARCHIVES

SINGAPORE (1947)—A VHS gift from Nancy (sister of Joan, my constant movie companion). In this noirish romance, Fred MacMurray plays a diamond smuggler in the titular country; during the war, he flees after his girlfriend (Ava Gardner) is apparently killed. Returning some years later to retrieve some jewels he left behind, he accidentally discovers that Gardner is still alive, but suffering from amnesia. Should MacMurray try to win her back from her new flame? The stars are all very watchable and the scenery is fun to watch, but the stars wear nothing like the costumes they've donned for the movie poster! Featuring U.S.-born actress Maylia in a role where she does a laughably bad Chinese accident. (8)

TOBY TYLER (1960)—A boy (Kevin Corcoran) whose adoptive parents treat him rather poorly runs away and joins the circus. There he meets a lovable chimp and adults who both protect him and try to take advantage of him. Based on a beloved children's book by James Otis Kaler, this Disney production of Toby Tyler is the quintessential movie about running away and joining the circus. (8)

ONLY ANGELS HAVE WINGS (1939)——I was thinking of seeing this at the local revival cinema during their recent Cary Grant film festival, but then I realized that I already had it on my hard drive. So instead of driving out and seeing it on the big screen, I lazily sat on my ass and watched it on my computer. Ha! It's the classic Howard Hawks-directed story of a small air freight company being run out of a bar and grill owned by Sig Ruman, delivering mail from an unmade South American country. Cary is in charge, and in between losing planes in bad weather and trying to recruit new pilots, he meets a pretty tourist (Jean Arthur) and deals with various staffing issues. It doesn't sound particularly enthralling, but the film is quite gripping and throws in some nice doses of comedy along with the drama. (9)

BROTHER ORCHID (1940)—It starts out like a typical Edward G. Robinson gangster movie, but after doing battle with a rival crime gang, Ed hides out in a monastery and actually starts to grow a soul. It takes a mighty long while to get to the point, but there's pleasures to be had along the way, including some enjoyable comedy bits. (One line about a vibrator had me doing a double-take—funny how slang changes over the years.) As Joan pointed out, the 1955 movie We’re No Angels (remade with Sean Penn in 1989) has some similar themes. (8)

LADIES IN RETIREMENT (1941)—Ida Lupino has a great job as head housekeeper in a lovely mansion owned by wealthy former actress (Isobel Elsom). Unfortunately, Lupino also has two crazily daffy sisters who are being ousted from their current digs. Desperate not to see them put in an asylum, she begs her employer to let them stay temporarily at the mansion. But the nutty sisters soon outwear their welcome, and are instructed by Elsom to leave. What to do? How about...MURDER? Based on the 1940 Broadway thriller, the film version is fun and kept me guessing till the end. And even after the film has ending, I'm still guessing about the somewhat ambiguous resolution. (9)

CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE FIRST AVENGER (2011)—I am determined to see The Avengers, but I hate seeing serials out of sequence. Unfortunately, I was only familiar with one of the superheroes' backstories (Iron Man), and The Avengers is about a whole bunch of superheroes. That means that in order to completely understand and appreciate The Avengers, I must get up to speed with the other characters in the "Marvel Universe." Step One was to view Captain America, starring Chris Evans as an aspiring WWII soldier who gets the laboratory treatment (by military scientist Stanley Tucci) that turns him into a super-strong soldier. He fights and of course defeats the very, very mean Nazi villain, who has some sort of otherworldly glowing cube that's right out of an Indiana Jones flick. The movie eventually explains how a guy from the 1940s can find his way into the present day in order to team up with the other superheroes. (8)

IRON MAN 2 (2010)—I greatly enjoyed 2008’s Iron Man, which succeeded largely because of Robert Downey Jr.'s delightfully comic performance as Tony Stark. Mediocre reviews kept me away from the sequel, but it turns out to be more of the same fun formula, with another despicable baddie (Mickey Rourke), this one in his own weaponized metal suit. Fortunately, I've already seen (and loved) 2011's Thor, so all that's left is The Incredible Hulk, which I'm about halfway done watching as of this writing. I sure hope all of this legwork was worth it for The Avengers! (9)

May 2012

May is when all of my TV shows race to the finish line, so there were lots of season finales to watch: American Idol, Modern Family, Simpsons, Law and Order: Special Victims Unit, The Office, Desperate Housewives and House—those last two also being the series finales. (Traditionally, once we enter the summer months and I don't have so many televisual obligations, the movie count ramps up.) This was also the month that I visited Jay in Palo Alto to see Zorba! and some other plays, then picked up my cruise-ship friend Mayshel at the Carnival Splendor and took her to Disneyland before putting her on a plane back to Manila. So it was a fairly busy month. Still, I managed to fit in half a dozen movies. Here's what I watched.  

FIRST-RUN      

MIRROR MIRROR (2012)—The first of this year's two live-action versions of the Snow White story isn't going to make anybody forget about the definitive Disney animated version, which is a bit of an understatement. Having said that, this particular take—starring Julia Roberts as the evil Queen Clementianna and Lily Collins as Snow White—is a perfectly fine movie for families with little kids. As it was a free screening at Paramount (thanks, Joan!), I was able to enjoy it a bit more than I would have had I paid money to see what is essentially a movie for the small fry; some of it is a bit too broad and slapsticky for my tastes, and the director gets an awful lot of mileage out of the limited number of cast members and sets. Casting the now 44-year-old Roberts to play the wicked stepmother instead of the ingenue is a little heartbreaking (she was 23 when Pretty Woman was released—the same age Collins is now), but I suppose it will be Collins' turn to play mean older bitches in 20 years' time. They've made Collins up to look like Audrey Hepburn, and she's great in the part. Probably my favorite part of the movie was the song played over the closing credits, which is staged to look like a Bollywood musical—which makes sense, as the director of this particular film is Punjab-born Tarsem Singh. As I write these words, I'm planning to see the Snow White and the Huntsman tomorrow, and I'm hoping for a bit less juvenilia from that version. (7)

THE BEST EXOTIC MARIGOLD HOTEL (2012)—Miami Herald film reviewer Connie Ogle called this The Avengers for fans of Downton Abbey, since the movie stars two of the elderly actresses (Maggie Smith and Penelope Wilton) from the famous British series. Given that I'm a big Downton fan, this film was represented in the titles I was most excited to see when I made that list at the beginning of 2012. The film half a dozen or characters pushing 70 who decide to take up residence in a retired persons' hotel in India, hoping to take advantage of the health care options and other perks while enduring the unsavory local cuisine and dilapidated conditions of the hotel. The story also involves the young man (Dev Patel) who's struggling to run the hotel while making time for his squeeze (the best exotic Tena Desae) against his mother's wishes. The movie is sweet and charming, with a redemption theme for Maggie Smith, a couple of romances and some gentle comedy. The terrific cast includes the always-reliable Judi Dench and Bill Nighy. (8)    

THE DICTATOR (2012)—The second of this month's free screenings, another at Paramount (thanks again, Joan!). This is the latest of Sacha Baron Cohen's latest "character" comedies, following up on movies featuring loathsome, heavily accented jerks (Ali G, Borat, Bruno). This one is notable by being a more traditionally scripted affair, with none of the guerilla-type improvisational goofery of the earlier movies. In some ways, though, there are probably just as many laughs in this one (and it's certainly funnier than Bruno), despite the familiar storyline, which is something not unlike Coming to America. There's some toilet humor I could have done without, but the high quotient of hilariously anti-PC and satirical humor make it entirely worth seeing. (8)    

THE INTOUCHABLES (2012)—The last of May's free screenings (this one at the Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences—thanks, Irene!) is a huge box-office smash in France with a terrible title. But it's a crowd-pleasing flick, the story of a white multi-millionaire paralyzed from the neck down who hires a "wacky" black former hoodlum to tend to his many personal needs. You know the drill—they're an unlikely pair, and they come to really care for each other! Despite the contrivance, it's fitfully entertaining and the actors do a good job…although François Cluzet as the millionaire resembles actor Dustin Hoffman so much as to be occasionally distracting. (8)    

MOONRISE KINGDOM (2012)—I am not a fan of director Wes Anderson, but I was curious to check out this quirky tale about a pair of 12-year-old kids in the early 1960s who fall in love and run away together. This catapults various parents, guardians and law enforcement officials—as well as the local Boy Scout troupe—into a race to hunt them down. It's all adorably oddball and curiously engaging, running a teensy bit long (even at 94 minutes), but worth it for the affecting performances of the child leads—nobody else in the extremely talented cast, which includes Bill Murray, Bruce Willis, Frances McDormand, Edward Norton and Tilda Swinton, can match their eccentric charm, although Bob Balaban comes terribly close. (8)

On DVD    

BLOOD RIVER (2009)—My sole refuge to the archives is this obscure psychological thriller, which stars Ian Duncan and Tess Panzer as an attractive couple driving through the desert and running into trouble in the form of a menacing badass played by Andrew Howard…who may or may not be someone otherworldly. The movie combines both Western and fantasy elements, although it takes a mighty long time for the producers to let the viewer in on what's really going on. I was hoping for moments of sheer terror and gripping suspense, but although Howard's character is a potentially insane nutcase (or something even weirder), it's not as effective chiller as it might have been. Even so, it is technically and visually perfect and does provide a couple of genuine thrills. (7)

April 2012

I'm getting to the April movie report card more than a couple of weeks late, owing to God knows what. April was marked by a week-long trip to Lake Havasu, where I tested boats and attended (for the first time!) the famous Desert Storm poker run. I didn't see a great deal of movies in April, but I did fit in a few. In retrospect, it appears April was a pretty disastrous month, moviewise.

AMERICAN REUNION (2012)—I had not planned on seeing the latest installment in the American Pie franchise, but Yasmine Tsu wanted to see it, so I took her. Given my virtually nonexistent expectations, it turned out to be a generally entertaining romp, with the usual gross-out humor for the guys and a heaping helping of sentimentaility for the gals. Assuming this is the last of the Pie flicks, it would serve as a fitting capper. There's a nice twist at the end of the movie involving the Steve Stifler character (as always, capably portrayed by Seann William Scott). (8)

THE THREE STOOGES (2012)—I have never been a Stooges fan, but for some reason, I was very curious to see modern-day actors portraying Moe, Larry and Curly, whose popuarity dates back to the early days of vaudeville. For a guy who doesn't really care for slapstick, I have to admit that the impersonations carried the movie for me rather well. It's split up into three "shorts," in the tradition of their famous films from the '30s, '40s and '50s. Perhaps owing to the fact that I wasn't a Stooges enthusiast, the modern characterizations seemed almost supernaturally realistic—it's hard to single out Chris Diamantopoulos (Moe), Sean Hayes (Larry) or Will Sasso (Curly), because all of them are dead-on perfect. It was great to see Larry David in drag as a nun, and there are three very attractive females in the cast: Sofia Vergara (Modern Family), Sports Illustrated supermodel Kate Upton and Filipina-American Emy Coligado. It's a very silly movie by design and, as directed by the Farrelly brothers (who obviously have a deep love for the source material), it's totally successful doing what it's supposed to do. (8)

CABIN IN THE WOODS (2012)—Unlike the previous two movies, this was one I had been anticipating for years; originally slated for an early 2010 release, it was pushed back when MGM filed for bankruptcy. The reason for my interest: the screenwriter was Joss Whedon of Buffy the Vampire Slayer fame. The gimmick of the film is that they've taken a very tired premise (a bunch of attractive young adults spend a weekend in an isolated spot amid sinister forces, à la Friday the 13th) and turned it on its head with an added supernatural twist that involves TV stars Bradley Whitford (The West Wing) and Richard Jenkins (Six Feet Under). Unashamedly meta and liberally tongue-in-cheek, I nonetheless found myself growing increasingly impatient with the five stereotypical college kids—stoner, slut, egghead, jock, virgin—I mean, come on! I realize it's supposed to be satirical, but the fact that these five people are friends is way harder to believe than any of the creepy and demonic elements of the movie. Overlying twist notwithstanding, this is essentially a stupid slasher movie, and it left me rather cold. My friend Anna, who saw it around the same time I did, sums it all up perfectly:

"For me it was a wankfest for the writers, and way too much going on at the 11th hour to be plausible at all, even within the fantasy realm. They would have benefitted from a bit of 'less is more.' It also felt like a ripoff of Cube, with elements of The Truman Show. It also felt like they were smoking a lot of pot when they wrote that script. I mean...the stoner is the smart guy who figures everything out?" 

A major disappointment. (5)

21 JUMP STREET (2012)—I never saw the original 1980s TV series that made Johnny Depp a teen idol, and I wish I could say that I never saw this tepid film adaptation (starring the already massively overexposed Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum), a stupid and boring "comedy" that puts all of its mildly amusing bits into the trailer and fills out the rest of the movie with car-chase scenes. A waste of time that somehow won acclaim from some fairly noteworthy reviewers. (4)

BULLY (2012)—Joan invited me to Paramount for a free screening of this documentary, which captures the lives and tribulations of a number of bullied school kids across the U.S. Though very well-meaning and occasionally enlightening, the movie was all but ruined by the cinematographer's absurd stylistic deicison to keep going in and out of focus at random times, which only caused us to wonder if we were slowly going blind. A genuine pity, because this would have been much more compelling if we had been allowed to, you know, FOCUS ON WHAT WAS BEING DOCUMENTED! (6)

  ON DVD...

ANCHORMAN: THE LEGEND OF RON BURGUNDY (2004)—This always seemed to be one of the innumerable dumb movies starring an alumnus of Saturday Night Live, hardly worth my time any more than, say, Superstar or MacGruber. I know Will Ferrell is universally considered to be outrageously funny—just because I can't think of anything he's ever done that made me laugh doesn't mean he isn't. Yet I am definitely not a fan, and what I've seen of his film work (Melinda and Melinda, Stranger Than Fiction) hasn't exactly rocked my universe. So this film selection might strike you as a trifle bizarre. The reason I picked it is because I recently read a book by a very funny female TV writer/actress, Mindy Kaling (The Office), who spoke at length about what a hilarious movie this is, and how funny Ferrell is in particular. I had no reason to disbelieve her, as I totally respect everything she's done in conjunction with the office. But Kaling's audiobook, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?, turns out to be infinitely funnier and far better written and performed than Anchorman—I saw it only weeks ago and remember almost nothing about it. Well, I do remember that there was a male chauvinist theme involving a female TV anchor played by Christina Applegate, who has some unfortunate dialogue referencing the beauty of her own breasts—which, given the fact that the actress has since had a double mascectomy, seems a bit macabre in retrospect. Honestly, I don't think I smiled or chuckled more than once or twice during the movie, which is not a good thing for an allegedly hilarious comedy. So why does everybody seem to love the film, and Ferrell? One thing is for sure: this actor must have the crookedest lower teeth in the history of cinema. (5)

March 2012

My March was largely concerned with the creation and production of Performance Boats Magazine's May issue; free of travel plans, I immersed myself into the world of film and ended up with quite a respectable showing, especially on the features side.

FIRST-RUN


HAYWIRE (2012)—This is one of those suspense films (like Three Days of the Condor or North by Northwest) involving innocent heroes that everybody is trying to kill, and it's up to them to put the situation right, against all reasonable odds. Mallory Kane is a Mission: Impossible sort of operative hired by the government for top-secret dangerous spy stuff that leads her into a deadly double-cross situation, and she spends the whole movie being chased or chasing others. Kane is played by attractive martial-arts expert Gina Carano; the capable cast includes Channing Tatum, Michael Douglas, Ewan McGregor and Antonio Banderas. Joan and I caught this one as a free screening at Paramount; it reminded me of Zoe Saldana's 2011 action flick Columbiana, to which it compares favorably. (8)


THE WOMAN IN BLACK (2012)—Daniel Radcliffe, freshly graduated from his Harry Potter franchise, is the latest to headline a version of Susan Hill's 1983 supernatural novel, which has already been adapted a number of times for radio, TV and stage. In the early 1900s, while appraising the estate of a recently deceased woman, a young solicitor (Radcliffe) starts seeing and hearing mysterious things, and I don't consider it a particularly egregious spoiler to reveal that those things are of the spooky variety. Director James Watkins pulls the old trick where the hero spots a spectre of an unknown human, then looks away, and presto—the ghost has vanished! There are also the requisite number of fake-out jump scenes (i.e., errant bird flying around the house makes a startlingly loud noise, scaring Radcliffe and us). The movie is quintessentially forgettable; mere weeks after seeing it, I remember almost nothing about it, aside from the marshy scenery. (6)


THIS IS NOT A FILM (2012)—If only I could forget about having seen this documentary! Universally praised (it has a 100% positive rating among critics), I felt obliged to check out the work of the acclaimed Iranian director Jafar Panahi, whose politically charged movies recently got him sentenced to six years in prison. Banned from making any more movies, he sits around his apartment while waiting for his sentence to be appealed and has himself filmed as a way of creating something. The result is supposed to demonstrate how you can't prevent a true artist from creating, but as we witness Panahi feeding a pet iguana, making phone calls, watching TV and interviewing the trash collector, the result is a painfully dull affair, even at a mere 75 mins. This Is Not Entertaining. (2)


A THOUSAND WORDS (2012)—In what turned out to be the most deliciously ironic twist of March, I got the opportunity to see two films in a row that received the polar opposite reviews by critics. While This is Not a Film was sitting pretty with 100% positive reviews, Eddie Murphy's latest crapfest earned a huge goose egg—0%. And yet, despite its dumb premise (due to a cryptic curse, Murphy has fewer than a thousand words left to say or he'll drop dead), this was far from the worst movie I've ever seen, and was in fact far more entertaining than the insomnia-curing This is Not a Film. Admittedly, it is forgettable fluff, has some very annoying characters (Clark Duke, ugh!) and is rarely funny, but Joan and I went in with extremely low expectations and that undoubtedly helped. (4)


JOHN CARTER (2012)—I had not been planning to see this Disney-produced adaptation of Edgar Rice Burrough's creaky sci-fi series, but Connie's positive review prompted me to take in the very first showing on the movie's day of release. Turns out I was one of the few who bothered to see it at all—it has quickly become one of the biggest financial flops in cinema history. And yet, it's nothing even remotely resembling a bad movie. It reminded me of the Star Wars series in ways that were both good and bad; on the one hand, it contained a planet-sized amount of impressive special effects. On the other hand, too many of the characters seemed to be distractingly reminiscent of Jabba the Hutt, Jar Jar Binks, et al. (See images below.)



There are more tropes and clichés in the script than I previously thought could be contained in a single motion picture; the following are just a few of the ones that instantly spring to mind:
1. Hero falls from a dangerous height implausibly grabs on to a ledge or cliff, stopping his fall.
2. Hero encounters alien craft (i.e., airborne jet-ski) and instantly understands how to pilot it, albeit in a half-assed manner. (Note that the hero in this case is a former U.S. Civil War soldier who has never seen so much as a lawnmower before.)
3. Hero is a disinterested third party who is conscripted to fight "in someone else's war." Sigh.
4. Hero does battle with monsters roughly 89 zillion times bigger than he is. Guess who wins!
5. The heroine (and the audience) are led to believe that the hero has chosen to forsake her…ah, but no! He stayed to help. Wow, didn't see that coming!
6. Evil bad guy is a shape-shifting genius, so at various points in the movie, we see our hero talking to a confidant (whom we later see morphing into the baddie!) or a confidant is talking to the hero (whom we later see morphing into the baddie!), etc.
On the upside, despite the regurgitations of ideas, plot devices and character designs from other media, it's a fast-paced adventure story that's never boring, and there's a pretty girl involved, and did I mention the presence of monsters? (8)


SILENT HOUSE (2012)—Amazingly, this obscure Paranormal Activity-ish shocker turned out to be pretty much the most positive experience I had at the movies in March. Based on a 2010 Spanish-language thriller with the same name, it features Elizabeth Olsen (so good in last year's Martha Marcy May Marlene) as a young woman who finds herself trapped in a dark house where ominous things are happening…but all may not be exactly as it seems. The movie unfolds in real time, and in what appears to be all one continuous shot, which is by itself impressive enough to warrant seeing it. Julia Taylor Ross has a brief but memorable part. Genuinely unnerving and more thought-provoking than the usual haunted-house chiller; would absolutely be worth a second look. (9)


THIN ICE (2012)—Greg Kinnear stars in this black comedy involving a web of crime and intrigue he inadvertently stumbles into and can't seem to get out of; it's vaguely reminiscent of the Coen Brothers' Fargo, but not quite as well written or clever. Still, it does contain a satisfying and startling resolution that made me feel like what preceded it was worth sitting through—I almost felt like I'd just witnessed a magic trick. Alan Arkin, Lea Thompson, Billy Crudup and Bob Balaban contribute solid performances. (8)


FRIENDS WITH KIDS (2012)—Like last month's Wanderlust, this is a comedy that could be improved significantly if it were slightly less repellent. In fact, I almost walked out within the first 15 minutes, during which I endured a barrage of scatological humor and babies crying and screaming. Eventually, though, the movie finds a more harmonic tone as Jennifer Westfeldt (who also wrote and directed) and Platonic friend Adam Scott decide to have a baby together even while they continue their respective search for a romantic life mate. But this is a romcom, so there's never really a smidgen of doubt about how this will wind up, and the movie shambles along in an agreeable manner toward its inevitable resolution. Megan Fox (my first time seeing her in anything) is fetching in the role of Scott's "other" girl. (8)


JEFF, WHO LIVES AT HOME (2012)—Another free screening at Paramount. A sweet, dopey comedy about family members (a mom and two sons) who are each lost in their respective ways, but who ultimately discover what they've been looking for, as well as each other. It's small and slight, and embraces its cosmic "everything happens for a reason" mantra in a way that's meant to seduce the audience, and it mostly succeeds. Jason Segel and Ed Helms are the brothers; Susan Sarandon plays their mom, and Rae Dawn Chong is given a small but pivotal role as well. Note: IMDB adds a needed comma to the title, while the poster omits it; I can't remember how the movie's title sequence dealt with this punctuation issue, but perhaps Joan will enlighten me on the story behind the title, if there is one. (8)


THE LORAX (2012)—Here's the latest attempt by Hollywood to cash in on the beloved books of Dr. Seuss after live-action abortions by Jim Carrey (How the Grinch Stole Christmas) and Mike Myers (The Cat in the Hat). Presumably, 2008's animated Horton Hears a Who was a hit (I didn't see it), so now animators have turned their sights on Seuss's 1971 illustrated children's book. Despite a few forgettable songs, it's a mostly enjoyable romp, fun and colorful, with voice-over contributions by Zac Efron, Taylor Swift, Ed Helms and Danny DeVito in the title role. Though not as wonderful as the original 1972 small-screen version produced by Friz Freleng (none of the movies are), it's pretty good, and the environmental message is one for both children and adults. I had fun seeing this one with Emma—it was her third viewing of it, and she called it her favorite movie! (8)


THE HUNGER GAMES (2012)—Once upon a time, there was a trilogy of books, a fantasy-adventure series, that filmmakers turned into huge blockbusters. And although everybody seemed to love the books and the movies, The Lord of the Rings left me completely cold and wondering why everybody thought this story was such a big deal. So the feeling of déjà vu was palpable as I sat watching it all happen again. To be fair, the experience of watching The Hunger Games was markedly less dispiriting than sitting through two of the Rings films, but I'm still not a convert. There have already been plenty of violent films about a futuristic dystopian society where people are compelled to play a violent game in which people get killed—Rollerball, Death Race 2000 and The Running Man immediately come to mind. The gimmick of The Hunger Games is that kids are playing the game; that was also the twist of the 2000 Japanese film Battle Royale. In the film adaption of the immensely popular Suzanne Collins books, Jennifer Lawrence (so good as Ree in 2010's Winter's Bone) plays Katniss Everdeen, a virtuous lass who volunteers to engage in what is essentially a state-sponsored reality TV show where "only one will survive" in order to spare her younger sister, who was chosen to participate via a lottery. Katniss mostly survives this nightmare in the forest by waiting for the other players to kill each other, and generally only kills in self-defense. (The other kids who play the game are all portrayed as ruthless savages.) The movie is dull, unengaging and crummily directed; only Woody Harrelson's character has any kind of shading. A bizarre disappointment; are the books this boring? (5)


LAST DAYS HERE (2012)—My good friend Geof O'Keefe was one of the founding members of the 1970s heavy-metal band Pentagram, and he's the reason I attended this documentary. It traces the career of the band's leader, Bobby Liebling, who is mostly zonked out on heroin and other drugs for much of the movie and sometimes incoherent. Pentagram still has an appreciable cult following, though, and one fan (Sean Pelletier) tries to get Liebling off drugs and back in the studio, making music. Much of the life we see of Liebling's is of the auto-wreck variety—the kind you wish you could look away from, but can't. I attended the Los Angeles premiere of the movie with Geof, who was reunited with the now clean-and-sober Bobby for a Q&A session following the screening, and a good time was had by all. (8)

DVDs


ONE FALSE MOVE (1992)—Co-written and starring a pre-Sling Blade Billy Bob Thornton, this crime thriller came to my attention after I'd read a positive review. Co-starring Bill Paxton, it's an intriguing and suspenseful story of a trilogy of sociopathic criminals who rob and murder all who stand in their way, and a small-town cop who has an intriguing personal connection to one of the gang members. Undeniably brutal, but quite gripping. (9)


DAVID COPPERFIELD (1935)—One of my dreams is to read everything by Charles Dickens, but I barely have time to watch the movies based on his novels. I have been slowly acquiring them, though, and it was finally time to view one of the most beloved of his classics. Turns out to be very…Dickensian! Apparently this version was pretty severely truncated to make a run time of 130 minutes, so I found a multi-part BBC miniseries to watch at a later date. (8)


THE HISTORY OF MR. POLLY (1949)—Wish I could read more of H.G. Wells, too, but the movie versions will have to suffice. I wonder if most people realize that Wells wrote more than just science fiction; this version of his 1910 book is a comedy starring the great John Mills, and it's an amusing diversion, tracing the life of a young man trying to find his place in the world. Excellent acting and direction. (9)


FUNNY HA HA (2005)—This is apparently the first "mumblecore" film (an extremely low-budget indie featuring amateur actors); it got very positive reviews despite having a minuscule budget—and that word is a bit of an overstatement. It's all about a temp named Marnie who tries to find a better job and deal with her unrequited crush on a college buddy named Alex. I'm not sure I would have cared much about the story or the movie (shot on 16 mm film) had it not been for its attractive star, Kate Dollenmayer, whose performance was simply charming. (7)