Sunday, January 22, 2006


Here's something that never fails to bring a quizzical expression to my face:

"God helps those who help themselves."

Do people genuinely find this bit of wisdom inspirational for some reason? Does this mean that God doesn't help those who don't or won't help themselves? What if the guy can't help himself? What if he has no arms, and the help he needs is to open a door? God can't help that guy?

I'm told the expression came from Aesop. "It's one of those circular logic things that Bible thumpers like to trot out," my pal Cindybear says. "Essentially God can help you, but he won't; when things work out, he'll take credit for it. Kinda like a conservative, I guess."

To me it's like saying, "The candy is free to those who pay for it." Actually, I've seen pretty much that exact thing while shopping. The other day I was in a mall, and there was a sign in a store window that said, "FREE EAR PIERCING with $3.00 service charge." Excuse me, do I have the word idiot tattooed on my forehead? (Before you respond to that, let me assure you that the answer is no.)

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