4/22/09: Patterns (1956)

FIFTIES WEEK
Wow! Three great films in a row...I never would have figured Fifties Week would yield so many personal favorites. I've always enjoyed the work of writer Rod Serling—The Twilight Zone is one of the best TV series ever—and although there's nothing out of the fourth dimension in Patterns, it's one of Serling's typical morality plays. Van Heflin (the guy who blew up the plane in Airport) comes to work for a big-ass company run by ruthless executive Everett Sloane; Heflin soon realizes he's being positioned to replace a longtime VP (Ed Begley) and unwittingly finds himself at the center of a heart-wrenching power struggle. It's an absorbing and savage peek into corporate America, with a satisfying and unpredictable resolution. Sloane is unforgettable as the CEO you'll love to hate. This film whets my appetite for another unseen Serling drama called Requiem for a Heavyweight, which is also in the queue for viewing. Rating: 5/5.

4/21/09: Born Yesterday (1950)

FIFTIES WEEK
An April milestone: This is the first week of my project that I've kicked off with two "5" ratings in a row. Honestly, if this keeps up, I might just have to make the rest of the year movies from the 1950s.

How did I miss this amazing picture? Based on the hit play by Garson Kanin, Born Yesterday is about a bellowing, corrupt tycoon named Harry Brock (Broderick Crawford) who arrives in Washington, D.C., to buy himself a Congressman and advance a few shady business dealings. His bubbleheaded showgirl girlfriend Billie (Judy Holliday) isn't helping matters by exhibiting her extreme ignorance in front of the local politicos, so Brock hires intellectual journalist Paul Verrall (William Holden) to educate the girl and maybe bring her up to speed on matters of history, politics and certain social graces—a decision Brock soon comes to regret.

Sparkling with wit and significance, the movie delivers plenty of laughs and a strong patriotic message—and did I mention it's a love story? All three of the main actors are simply smashing, especially the obnoxious Crawford and the squeaky-voiced Holliday, whose dumb-blonde act gets funnier every time she rushes to the dictionary to look up the simplest of words. Born Yesterday is pure bliss from beginning to end. Rating: 5/5.

4/20/09: Sunset Boulevard (1950)

FIFTIES WEEK
Here begins Fifties Week at Chez Bayne.

Billy Wilder has directed some of my very favorite motion pictures, including The Fortune Cookie, Stalag 17, The Apartment and Irma La Douce. Before any of those came Sunset Boulevard, and true to the promise of Robert Osborne of Turner Classic Movies (who introduces the film on my copy), it's a stunner.

William Holden, playing a screenwriter down on his luck, happens to meet silent-film star Gloria Swanson, who hires him to stage her comeback by rewriting a terrible script she's been penning for herself. What follows is hilarious, tragic and everything in between, as Holden finds himself a "kept man," more or less a prisoner in her decaying mansion on Sunset Boulevard in Beverly Hills. Filmed in dazzling black and white, the picture is even more fun if you know some of the behind-the-scenes trivia and how so much of the film mirrors reality (the movie was actually a comeback for Swanson, herself a fading star of silent films). Despite the fact that Sunset Boulevard is basically a drama, Swanson turns in a hilarious performance; her turn as the amazingly overdramatic Norma Desmond had me licking my lips in delight. She was nominated for a Best Actress Oscar, but failed to win—a pity, because she's so great in this. But so is everything in Sunset Boulevard; it kept me engrossed from beginning to end. I hope to enjoy it on the big screen someday. An excellent kickoff for Fifties Week! Rating: 5/5.

4/19/09: Tiger Bay (1959)

HAYLEY MILLS WEEK
We end Hayley Mills week, oddly enough, with her film debut—and her only movie filmed in black and white. (It also transitions us nicely into the upcoming Fifties Week.) Generally considered one of her most outstanding movies, 12-year-old Hayley witnesses a "crime of passion"—a Polish sailor shoots his ex-girlfriend after a bitter argument—and ends up befriending and protecting him from the law. Hayley's real-life father, John Mills, plays a detective trying to solve the case. Although both Millses are superb, and the photography is splendid, I have a very difficult time with movies that ask us to sympathize with murderers—especially this guy, who at one point threatens Hayley with a gun as she pleads for him not to shoot her. Even when the Polish sailor risks his life to save Hayley from drowning, I couldn't forgive him for his crimes.

The film is impeccably acted and directed, but I simply couldn't muster up the requisite sympathy for the main character. Still, it's a fascinating glimpse into the very beginning of a great movie career for Hayley Mills—this is the one that landed her a contract with Disney beginning the following year. Rating: 2/5.

4/18/09: Summer Magic (1963)

HAYLEY MILLS WEEK
Here's a spectacularly harmless family musical, a period piece featuring Hayley Mills and her family relocating to Maine around the turn of the century and unwittingly moving into a house that, well, isn't exactly for rent. The Sherman Brothers songs are all very hummable, including "The Ugly Bug Ball," sung by Burl Ives. Though lighter than a feather, the movie is enjoyable without being particularly engaging—although there's a big belly laugh involving the family's shaggy dog scaring the bejesus out of Hayley's cousin. Rating: 3/5.

4/17/09: The Moon-Spinners (1964)

HAYLEY MILLS WEEK
Hayley looks very pretty in this Greek island adventure, but the film is a bit of a bore. Based on a suspense novel by Mary Stewart, the picture's about how Nikky Ferris (Mills) gets tangled up in a jewel heist and a not-very-interesting romance. Like other Disney films from this period (In Search of the Castaways is one of the worst offenders), a lot of the outdoors and special-effects scenes were obviously filmed on a set with the actors performing in front of a movie-screen projection. (No doubt you've seen one of these sorts of scenes, typified by the one where people are driving in a convertible at 60 mph, but nobody's hair is blowing in the wind.) There are a couple of good stunt scenes, like the one where Hayley has to escape from a windmill, but there's precious little suspense in this so-called thriller. Rating: 2/5.

4/16/09: That Darn Cat! (1965)

HAYLEY MILLS WEEK
It's hard to imagine kids sitting through this exceptionally dull Disney picture. I may well have seen it as a youngster myself, but there's utterly nothing memorable about it except for the title. Even Hayley Mills, so endearing in the non-Disney films The Truth About Spring and The Chalk Garden only the year before, is completely forgettable here, thanks to a script that starts nowhere and stays there. You sit there itching for the movie to gain any momentum.

A couple of bank robbers kidnap a female teller and hold her hostage in an apartment for what seems like forever while planning to ultimately bump her off. (Why they keep her alive at all is never made clear.) The teller scratches the word HELP on her watch and attaches it, collar-style, around the neck of a visiting neighborhood Siamese cat named D.C., where it is eventually discovered by the cat's owner, Hayley Mills. She enlists FBI agent Dean Jones to help solve the mystery by tailing the feline back to the victim. The story moves at a pace that aspires to reach snail level, and practically all of the characters are morons nobody could possibly care about. (The most interesting thing in the movie are the kitty's pretty blue eyes.) Great comic actors like William Demerest and Roddy McDowall are totally wasted in this rubbish, and Hayley looks horrible in a poofy wig and a nightmarish wardrobe—it's the only film that actually makes her look bad. This is the second yawn-inducing Disney film I've seen this year to star Dean Jones, who can be quite likable given adequate material, which unfortunately was all too rarely. Clearly, Disney had a fetish about pairing the hapless Jones with with the animal kingdom, as his resume reads more like a zookkeeper's credits (Million Dollar Duck, The Shaggy D.A., The Horse in the Grey Flannel Suit, The Ugly Dachshund and Monkeys, Go Home). The poor schnook deserved better.

A 1997 Disney remake of That Darn Cat! featuring Christina Ricci is said to be even worse, although that is next to impossible to imagine. Despite a catchy theme song written by the Sherman Brothers and sung by Bobby Darin, this Cat needs to be put down. Rating: 2/5.

4/15/09: The Truth About Spring (1964)

HAYLEY MILLS WEEK
Produced in between a bunch of Disney movies, The Truth About Spring is an episodic Caribbean-flavored adventure that's far more Disneyesque than her Disney film released later the same year (The Moon-Spinners).

Spring is one of several films she co-starred in with her famous father, John Mills, and both of them are irresistible in this one, playing (very convincingly!) a father and daughter. Hayley is Spring, a teenage tomboy being brought up by her salty-dog papa, Tommy Tyler, on his sailboat. When the pair of them play host to a handsome young fellow named William Ashton (James McArthur) for a couple of weeks, Spring becomes a coming-of-age romance story as Hayley starts to have feelings she's never experienced before. For the boys, there are pirates and buried treasure; for me, there are innumerable scenes that highlight Hayley's shapely, jeans-covered tush. It's an old-fashioned treat for the entire family, and I adored it. Rating: 5/5.

4/14/09: Gypsy Girl (1966)

HAYLEY MILLS WEEK
In yesterday's movie, Hayley Mills played a young woman who befriends an ostensibly slow-witted man; today, she's the one who's mentally challenged. Gypsy Girl, alternately known as Sky West and Crooked, is about a young woman who becomes something of a thorn in the side of the villagers where she lives. As Brydie White, a slightly retarded girl, she leads a crusade of children to bury dead pets in the local cemetery, which is a religious no-no. Along the way, she catches the eye of a gypsy boy named Roibon (Ian McShane). It's a heartwarming star-crossed-lovers story that was written by Mills's real-life mother, Mary Hayley Bell, and directed by father, the great actor John Mills (his only directorial effort). Rating: 4/5.

4/13/09: Twisted Nerve (1968)

HAYLEY MILLS WEEK
This week's theme is Hayley Mills, an actress I fell in love with a lifetime ago, after seeing her wonderful Disney films Pollyanna and The Parent Trap. My obsession with Mills intensified when I saw The Family Way (1966), an absolutely beautiful picture and one of her first meant strictly for adult audiences. Over the years I've made a point to catch as many of her movies as possible, but now I've got a backlog. This week, I get to scratch seven of them off the list.

Twisted Nerve is the second of three movies Mills starred in with actor Hywel Bennett (the first being The Family Way and the last being Endless Night, which was the fourth movie I saw this year). She plays a sweet librarian who catches the eye of Bennett, a wealthy psychopath who pretends to be mentally retarded to play on her heartstrings. He even figures out a way to move in with her and her mother...and then things start to go horribly wrong. This is a very curious thriller, a variation on both the crazed stalker story and the "big lie" plot I'm always complaining about, but the result is curiously compelling. Hayley never looked more beautiful, and even her mum (Billie Whitelaw) is pretty cute! Rating: 4/5.

4/12/09: American History X (1998)

GRAB BAG
An unforgettable drama, American History X gives us Edward Norton as Derek Vinyard, a hardcore skinhead with a swastika tattooed on his chest. Told largely in flashbacks, the film recounts how he became a vicious racist—and his long, hard road to redemption. AHX demonstrates, in often shocking terms, how hate begats hate. It's a film every kid in every school should be made to watch. Norton's performance is phenomenal, one of the best portrayals I've ever seen onscreen. Side note: it was interesting to see Johnny's Diner (just a few blocks from my house) used in one scene. Rating: 5/5.

4/11/09: Young People Fucking (2007)

GRAB BAG
I hadn't even heard of this movie until a couple of weeks ago. I was scrolling through lists of films on Wikipedia when the title caught my eye (how could it not?). My expectations were nonexistent; I figured at the very least there would be some hot sex in it. But Young People Fucking turns out to be a consistently funny satire on modern-day mating habits, with numerous laugh-out-loud moments. It's really five thematically linked short films in one, each featuring a couple with a unique sexual problem. Although there are obviously sexual situations and some nudity, YPF doesn't approach pornography on any level; what it does approach is comedic perfection—it's smart, affectionate, delightful and even touching—it's everything a Judd Apatow sex comedy isn't. A genuine surprise. Rating: 4/5.

4/10/09: Luv (1967)

GRAB BAG
One of the first films I selected for my movie-a-day project was 1990's In the Spirit, solely because it co-starred Elaine May. I love May, even though she has occasionally appeared in lackluster material (California Suite) and written and directed terrible movies (Ishtar, Mikey and Nicky). So why the May fixation? Three reasons.

1. She directed and starred in one of my all-time favorite comedies, A New Leaf.

2. She co-stars in the wonderful and criminally underrated Woody Allen movie Small Time Crooks, which she is brilliant in.

3. She co-wrote Tootsie, one of the funniest and best films in the history of cinema.

May has never been a prolific actress, so I was looking forward to Luv, which is based on a successful Broadway play by Murray Schisgal (who also co-wrote Tootsie). Luv is a four-character comedy about a pair of couples whose romances occasionally overlap; one of the themes is suicide, which brings some dark laughs to the table. It undoubtedly worked better as a play, but the movie is aided by a great cast that also includes Jack Lemmon and Peter Falk. Rating: 3/5.

4/9/09: The Sting (1973)

GRAB BAG
Here's one of those classic, award-winning "Best Pictures" I have been itching to finally sit down and watch. To be honest, I think my family saw this at a drive-in when it first came out, but I remember absolutely nothing about it other than I thought it was incredibly boring. And now that I'm an adult with an interest in confidence games, I'm approaching it with quite a different mindset. Following The Hustler and Nobody's Fool, The Sting is my third Paul Newman picture this year, and each has been rewarding in its own way. Newman and Robert Redford, reuniting after their enormous success with Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid—another landmark movie I've never seen in its entirety—have proven chemistry together, and they make The Sting fun to watch. Very much like the other "con game" movies I've seen earlier this year (House of Games, Always a Bride), I could see the twist in the tale coming from a long way off, but it didn't detract from my enjoyment of the movie. (We'll see how I do on The Spanish Prisoner later this year.) Hilariously, the Scott Joplin ragtime music on the soundtrack predates the period of the story by some 25 years. Rating: 4/5.

4/8/09: Handgun (1983)

GRAB BAG
A couple of years ago, I saw a movie called The Brave One, starring Jodie Foster. A passably enjoyable drama about a woman who's out for revenge after a brutal attack, it reminded me vaguely of Death Wish. Reading the reviews of the Foster movie, though, it was obvious that it more strongly resembled a little-known film from 1983 called Handgun, whose plot it closely mirrors. So I picked up the DVD to compare and contrast the two, and am just now getting around to doing that.

Turns out that The Brave One is far superior, thanks to a script, performances and production values that are immeasurably higher. In Handgun (also known as Deep in the Heart), a young woman dates a guy who rapes her at gunpoint. Understandably freaked, she becomes consumed with turning the tables on her attacker. The film chronicles her slow—and I do mean slow—descent from affable and easy-going to deeply troubled and dispirited. The movie suffers from a shoestring budget and an overly simplistic, suspense-free script, although actress Karen Young does manage to keep us at least mildly interested in her character, Kathleen. Overall, though, the movie is a snooze. Rating: 2/5.

4/7/09: Earth (2007)

GRAB BAG
The 2006 BBC documentary series Planet Earth was re-edited, re-narrated (by Patrick Stewart) and re-released internationally in 2007 as a theatrical film called, simply, Earth. Two years later, it has been re-re-narrated (by James Earl Jones) and is about to be re-re-released here in the states. My friend Su invited me to a special screening tonight; the film opens domestically later this month.

Very much like the nature shows I watched as a boy—Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom leaps to mind—this dazzling real-life drama shows us nature in its raw, undiluted form. A familiar scene in Earth shows a hungry cheetah chasing and quickly overtaking a young gazelle (except we see it in super slo-mo, where it takes about two minutes). But the real point of Earth is to show the migration paths of several animal families: specifically African elephant, humpback whale and polar bear. Mixed in are all kinds of other animals, including wolves, birds of paradise, lions and caribou. Earth sets out to show us the challenges face by these animals in a world whose climates are rapidly changing due to global warming. We see their battles, their journeys, their struggles, their predators, their quest for food and water. All of it is shot in exquisite high-definition, and all of it is extraordinary. From a baby polar bear emerging from hibernation and walking for the first time to a great white shark chomping into its prey, the "circle of life" theme is laid before us in glorious living color. This may be the most beautifully photographed film of all time, and James Earl Jones sounds better than ever in his narration. The viewer alternately watches the film in a kind of awe, marveling at both the beauty of nature and the technical wizardry that went into filming it in the first place. The time-lapse photography in particular is truly majestic. Rating: 5/5.

4/6/09: Bart Got a Room (2009)

GRAB BAG
I was attracted to Bart Got a Room because of the adult actors, William H. Macy (Fargo) and Cheryl Hines (Curb Your Enthusiasm), both of whom have brought me so much joy over the passage of time. They play a divorced couple, but the movie is mostly about their awkward high-school son, Danny (newcomer Steven Kaplan), whose desperation to find a prom date forms the crux of the story. Should he invite the object of his affection, dreamy car-pool companion Alice (Ashley Benson) or longtime best friend Camille (Alia Shawkat), who's not much to look at but more worthy? The clock is ticking, and nebbish Danny is quickly running out of choices.

Closer to the spirit of John Hughes than Judd Apatow, Bart Got a Room was filmed in and around Hallandale, Florida, very close to where I grew up, and its clever script kept me chuckling. My favorite bits involved the strings attached to a date with an Asian classmate named Debbie Yang, and the sight of Danny's ultimate date, who it turns out doesn't even do proms! Wearing a "jew-fro," William H. Macy is simply hilarious as Danny's father. The entire cast is fine, and I was delighted to sit through a film that takes place practically in my old backyard. The movie's title, quoted to maximum effectiveness, is its own best joke. Kudos also to future pinup model Tyler O'Campo in a small role as Camille's much sexier sister. Rating: 4/5.

4/5/09: A Taste of Honey (1961)

BRITISH SIXTIES WEEK
Released the year I was born, A Taste of Honey was directed by Tony Richardson, who would go on to win an Oscar for Tom Jones a couple of years later. This is a much different kind of film—one of those "kitchen sink" dramas that focus on working-class people of Britain, and like a couple of others in British Sixties Week, A Taste of Honey is also about an unwanted pregnancy.

Based on a play by Shelagh Delaney, the film focuses on Jo (Rita Tushingham), a homely 17-year-old, is being brought up by her somewhat promiscuous mother (Dora Bryan, in a role Angela Lansbury played on Broadway). Jo meets a black sailor, sleeps with him, and learns she's pregnant after the sailor goes off to sea. When Mom gets married, Jo gets her own flat, which she later shares with a sexually confused boy named Geoffrey (Murray Melvin). The film chronicles their numerous spats, jealousies, pent-up resentments and flat-out arguments as insults are hurled and feelings are wounded. The film presents us with a cast of basically unlikable characters that I have a very difficult time caring about. Ugly-duckling Jo ought to evoke a margin of sympathy, but she's as rude and condescending to her mum as her mum is to her. The male characters weren't much to hang your hat on either. It's a glum affair throughout, the stark black-and-white intensifying the rather grimy, drab look of Manchester at this time period. It would have been nice if the characters could learn from their mistakes, or even each others' mistakes, but there are no happy endings for anybody here, and the overall theme seems to be that we are doomed to repeat the blunders from the past. I suspect A Taste of Honey would have worked better as a play for me; as a film, it's very sad without being remotely moving. Rating: 2/5.

Overall, British Sixties Week turned out to be a colossal disappointment! But at least there were Saturday Night and Sunday Morning and Georgy Girl.

4/4/09: Tom Jones (1963)

BRITISH SIXTIES WEEK
"The whole world loves Tom Jones!" boasts the movie poster. Well, almost the whole world. How long have I been hearing about how great this movie is? Winner of four Oscars (including Best Picture) and nominated for several others, Tom Jones is based on the famous Henry Fielding novel and stars Albert Finney as the title character, born a bastard but destined for greatness—after a lot of swordfighting and sex, at any rate. Indeed, it's a lavish spectacle, with costumes and sets looking as if they'd come straight from the 1700s. But to me, this was a colossal bore. As my friend Joan is fond of saying, this was obviously a movie of its time—what must have seemed daring and ribald in 1963 seems cutesy and tame 45 years later. All the reviews talk about how "hilarious" the movie is, but I don't think I even smiled once.

Familiar faces kept turning up in the cast and credits—names I've seen all through British Sixties Week. The screenplay was by John Osborne, who would go on to write Inadmissible Evidence five years later. Lead actor Finney was also the star of Saturday Night and Sunday Morning; David Warner (of Morgan) shows up as a scoundrel; and Lynn Redgrave (Georgy Girl) is briefly seen in what turns out to be her very first movie. This may be the first time I've seen the ravishing Susannah York—and I sure hope it's not the last.

Earlier this evening, I had a discussion with a friend about the true meaning of "overrated." Tom Jones might just be the dictionary definition of same. I am going to spend the rest of the evening trying to forget its authentic-sounding but nevertheless annoying harpsichord soundtrack. Oh, well, cross another supposed masterpiece off the list. Rating: 2/5.

4/3/09: Morgan: A Suitable Case for Treatment (1966)

BRITISH SIXTIES WEEK
If nothing else, Morgan is probably the most original movie I've seen all year. David Warner plays Morgan, a gorilla-obsessed artist whose offbeat shenanigans have led his more upscale wife Leoni (Vanessa Redgrave) to divorce him and take up with a man in her own social class. (How interesting to see Vanessa in a movie one day after enjoying her sister Lynn Redgrave in Georgy Girl, made the same year.)

Most of the film concerns looney-bird Morgan's attempts to win back his wife's affections by staging antics that are at best irritating and at worst profane and illegal. Part of the fun is guessing which of these unsuccessful attempts will put a chivalrous grin on Leoni's face—she doesn't even protest much when being kidnapped. The film is full of surreal editing gimmicks, like freeze-frames and sped-up motion (reminiscent of TV's Benny Hill) during some of the slapstick moments. But the real draw here is David Warner's lunatic turn as anarchist Morgan, who often put me in the mind of Peter O'Toole. Rating: 4/5.

4/2/09: Georgy Girl (1966)

BRITISH SIXTIES WEEK
Yesterday's feature was a British ’60s comedy-drama filmed in black and white that touched on the issue of unwanted pregnancy. Today we get another—but while Saturday Night and Sunday Morning was more dramatic, today's movie is decidedly more comedic.

Georgy Girl is all about Georgy (Lynn Redgrave), a plain-looking and somewhat husky 22-year-old who's full of charm and a love for children, but naive in the ways of love and sex. She lives with Meredith, a beautiful but emotionally vacant violinist (Charlotte Rampling) and is chummy with Meredith's goofy, fun-loving boyfriend Jos (Alan Bates). Complications ensue when ice-bitch Meredith gets preggers and Jos decides he's really in love with Georgy. Then there's James (James Mason) the 49-year-old (!) employer of Georgy's father, who wants Georgy to be his mistress. (Mason was in his late fifties at the time of the film's release.) The film chronicles the merriment and heartbreak as all of the romantic problems get themselves worked out.

I have wanted to see this movie for decades, and very happy to finally scratch it from the list. As expected, it's a very likable and engrossing picture, due chiefly to the sprightly direction and the terrific performance of Redgrave in her second feature film. But the real revelation for me is Alan Bates, usually a bit of a downer—I've never really enjoyed him before, but he's so carefree and animated here that he's practically a cartoon. Despite being third billed, Redgrave is clearly the star of the movie; she and Mason were nominated for Oscars, as was the immensely catchy title song (tragically, it lost to "Born Free"). Rating: 4/5.

4/1/09: Saturday Night and Sunday Morning (1960)

BRITISH SIXTIES WEEK
Blindingly attractive and irresistibly charismatic, young Albert Finney commands the screen in virtually every second of this adaptation of the Alan Sillitoe novel about a working-class rapscallion. As Arthur Seaton, Finney gives us a hard-working but mischievous blighter, fond of pranking, boozing, smoking, lying and fighting when he's not sweating over his lathe down at the local factory. Seaton is part sociopath and part rebel, but will he ever be tamed? His relationships with his two girlfriends—one married (Rachel Roberts) and one single (Shirley Anne Field)—will play a big part in answering that question. In a small but pivotal role, Bryan Pringle is outstanding as the husband of Seaton's married girlfriend; his scene with Finney at the end of the movie is one of the most moving I've seen in a film all year. Finally, a British film from the 1960s I'll remember for longer than a fortnight! Rating: 5/5.

3/31/09: Accident (1967)

BRITISH SIXTIES WEEK
What an ill-conceived week this is turning out to be. Not even the dull Darling could have prepared me for the sleep-inducing Accident, starring Dirk Bogarde as a married Oxford professor who finds himself in a love-trapezoid with a beautiful Austrian girl he is tutoring and two other men, one of whom is Michael York in his first major screen role. The film starts with the moody prof at his stately country home when he hears the sound of a car accident, which has claimed the life of one passenger and left the other in a kind of catatonic shock. The rest of the movie is a flashback that details the "action" up till that point. As directed by Joseph Losey, the Harold Pinter screenplay is just like one of his plays, by which I mean it is full of pregnant pauses and hidden subtexts. In other words, it all moves at a pace that a snail would leave in the dust. The real accident is how this DVD made its way into my collection in the first place. Note to self: Beware the phrase "critically acclaimed." Rating: 1/5.

3/30/09: Darling (1965)

BRITISH SIXTIES WEEK
I remember seeing the heavenly Julie Christie for the first time in 1978's Heaven Can Wait. Here's the film that catapulted her to international fame and won her an Academy Award for Best Actress. I've always wanted to see it, and what a spectacular disappointment it is. Julie essays the role of Diana, an ambitious model who, through a series of love affairs, catapults herself to international fame...by boring me to death. Julie was said to be excruciatingly beautiful in her first major big-screen role, but she frankly possesses only the tiniest fraction of the beauty she would have playing opposite Warren Beatty some 13 years later. In Darling, Julie pouts, smokes, wails, argues and jumps from bed to bed, moving upwardly and keeping her eyes on the prize. The movie is cynical without being engaging; I never really cared what happened to the amoral Diana. There are a couple of tense, well-played scenes every time she breaks up with one of her boyfriends; the rest of the time is just filler. One of the drawbacks of these swinging 1960s British films is that everybody smokes, all the time. It's bloody difficult to watch. Rating: 2/5.

3/29/09: Nothing But the Best (1964)

BRITISH SIXTIES WEEK
In 1961, a stage musical called How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying became a colossal hit on Broadway. A few years later, Alan Bates appeared in this film, which is sort of a non-musical black comedy version of the same story, with elements of Pygmalion tossed in. Bates plays a low-class clerk at a real-estate firm who wants to rise to the top as soon as possible, no matter what the cost. He meets Denholm Elliott, a posh but somewhat sleazy con artist who shows him how to at least act upper-class. Bates soon learns the art of backstabbing and getting ahead unfairly, and we discover that even murder isn't beneath him. It sounds more interesting than it really is; I've never been quite as charmed by Alan Bates as most people are, and in Nothing But the Best, he bored me more than usual. Elliott was the most interesting thing here, and it was nice to see Ernest "Professor Loftus" Clark from the old Doctor in the House TV series as the boss of the firm. Rating: 2/5.

3/28/09: Inadmissible Evidence (1968)

BRITISH SIXTIES WEEK
As a longtime Anglophile, I feel it's only fitting to have at least one full week of my project devoted strictly to British movies. I'm sure there will be more to follow, but this week will comprise English films dating back to the 1960s. First up is Nicol Williamson in a screen adaptation of the Tony-nominated play Inadmissible Evidence, written by John Osborne in 1964. I had read several places that the movie was basically a filmed stage play. Not even close. In fact, it seems singularly cinematic, as if they'd gone to quite a lot of trouble to "open up" the play: There are flashbacks, outdoor scenes, interior monologues, etc.

The story, such as it is, concerns itself with Bill Maitland (Williamson), a despicable divorce attorney who's bored with his family, ignores his clients, insults his friends, cheats on his wife, even cheats on his mistress. He dislikes everybody, especially himself, and his world is crumbling all around him as the people closest to him begin to shut him out. The film doesn't tell us everything we would like to know about the man, leaving certain details deliberately obscure (the editing of the film sometimes verges on the experimental), but there's no doubt that Maitland has painted himself into a corner, with little or nothing left to contribute to society. The movie is a tour-de-force by Williamson, whose amazing talent I first encountered in an outstanding episode of Columbo back in the 1970; I later had the honor of seeing him perform in Paul Rudnick's I Hate Hamlet in 1991. He's just smashing here; I just wish the movie were as memorable as he is. Featuring the smoldering Gillian Hills as a nymphomaniacal receptionist. Rating: 3/5.

3/27/09: Paris, Je T'aime (2006)

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The reason Paris, Je T'aime wound up in my DVD collection is because one segment of this anthology movie was directed by Alexander Payne (Election, Sideways), my favorite contemporary filmmaker. Consisting of 18 short films from directors around the world, Paris, Je T'aime concerns itself primarily with stories of love and loss; it's mostly in French, with a smattering of English. It's a bit like reading a book of short stories, but even more like sampling chocolates from a See's candy assortment—some you're bound to like, while others make you wrinkle your nose and scavenge for a more appealing confection.

The segments in Paris, Je T'aime range from the gimmicky ("Parc Monceau," starring Nick Nolte, is done as one continuous shot) to the overtly comedic ("Tour Eiffel," about the meeting of the mimes) to the fantastic ("Quartier de la Madeleine," a vampire tale) to the unbearably moving ("Place des Victoires" and "Place des Fêtes," both of which had me sobbing uncontrollably). Although not all of the individual films are worthwhile on their own, Paris, Je T'aime as a whole is a lovely tapestry. Bringing up the rear, Payne's segment ("14e arrondissement") is wonderfully poignant, as is another that Payne briefly appears in: Wes Craven's "Père-Lachaise," about a woman (Emily Mortimer, strongly reminiscent of my friend Su) who has a romantic problem with her fiancé (Rufus Sewell). Paris, Je T'aime put me in the mind of Love, Actually, another movie featuring numerous unconnected stories au sujet de l'amour; it has also inspired the upcoming New York, I Love You, which I will now be very curious to check out. Very special thanks to my mate Kevin Christian for gifting me with this DVD! Rating: 5/5.

3/26/09: Monsters Vs Aliens (2009)

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Dreamworks once again gives Pixar and Disney a run for their money with the farcical 3-D cartoon Monsters Vs Aliens, an imaginative yet hilariously derivative sci-fi comedy that knows the best ideas to steal from, including (but hardly limited to) Attack of the 50-Foot Woman, Independence Day, Close Encounters, Mars Attacks and even Disney hits like The Incredibles and Monsters Inc. The movie barely disguises what it plagiarizes: B.O.B., the film's gooey blue monster, is basically the same goofy spook that slimed Bill Murray in Ghostbusters with a color and personality facelift.

The plot of Monsters Vs. Aliens is wholly secondary to the special-effects and visuals. After being flattened by a meteor carrying some extraterrestrial muscle juice, Susan (Reese Witherspoon) becomes Ginormica, a 50-foot tall giant with super strength. She is captured and imprisoned with various other monsters, including the gelatinous B.O.B. (Seth Rogen), mad scientist Dr. Cockroach (Hugh Laurie) and the Missing Link (Will Arnett), a variation on the Creature from the Black Lagoon. When aliens suddenly attack San Francisco, the government decides the monsters are our best defense, and the fun battle begins.

Although it tends to play fast and loose with issues of scale, the film is a visual masterpiece, the first computer-animated feature originally produced in 3-D rather than being converted to 3-D afterwards. There's plenty of humor for the kids, with enough pop-culture jokes thrown in just for adults to keep them happy too (few 10-year-olds will appreciate the classic reference to Close Encounters of the Third Kind). There's nary a dull moment in this wild and charming video game of a movie, which features an all-star cast of TV comedians, among them John Krasinski and Rainn Wilson (The Office), Amy Poehler (Saturday Night Live), Jeffrey Tambor and Will Arnett (Arrested Development), and even a few big-screen greats (Renee Zellwegger, Paul Rudd) thrown in for good measure. Rating: 4/5.

3/25/09: Life for Ruth (1962)

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A young girl with life-threatening injuries desperately needs a blood transfusion, but when her father emphatically refuses to let the surgeon do his job, he explains that his Christian faith clearly prohibits it—he takes the Bible literally when it says, "Whatsoever man eateth any manner of blood, I will set my face against that soul."

Though made in the early 1960s, the theme of science vs. religion is still very topical today, and this undeservedly obscure movie makes the most of its story. Life for Ruth brings together two actors appearing in separate Disney films I recently screened for my one-a-day project: Janet Munro (Darby O'Gill and the Little People), as the conflicted mother of the child, and Patrick McGoohan (The Three Lives of Thomasina) as the doctor who seeks legal charges against the girl's father after she dies. Filmed in stark black and white, the movie successfully attempts to show both sides of the controversy and ends up being very compelling. It's a great film, although at times it seems to have been heavily funded by the British Tobacco Council. I purchased the DVD to see more of beautiful Janet Munro, who is made to look rather drab here but does a powerful acting job. Patrick McGoohan is, as always, mesmerizing. Rating: 5/5.

3/24/09: I Love You, Man (2009)

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Billed as a "bromantic comedy," I Love You, Man gives us Paul Rudd as a guy who's always been more comfortable with close female friends than with the male variety. (Yes, he is playing a more handsome version of me.) When he gets engaged to lovely Rashida Jones, he is compelled to find a male best friend who can serve as best man. This inevitably leads him to Jason Segel (a ringer for Brendan Fraser), and all of the nervousness and awkwardness that comes from their "courtship." Roughly 80 percent of the laughs derive from the quasi-homophobic nature of this relationship; the other 20 percent is pure toilet humor. It's regrettable that writer/director John Hamburg felt the need to continually film Segel's dog defecating on the street, then showing people stepping in the crap—and how exasperating that the otherwise likable Segel turns out to be the kind of guy who refuses to clean up after his dog in the first place. I Love You, Man is enjoyable and genuinely funny enough not to need the gross-out humor...I wish I could take a print of the film into the editing room for half an hour. Andy Samberg from Saturday Night Live has a small role as Rudd's brother, and Sarah Burns plays a funny single lady who would normally be played by SNL's Kristen Wiig—she must have been unavailable. Fortunately, super-hot Jaime Pressly was not busy. She is the ultimate eye candy. Rating: 3/5.

3/23/09: Sunshine Cleaning (2009)

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Amy Adams and Emily Blunt, both seen most recently in Charlie Wilson's War, team up in this black comedy as sisters who launch a business cleaning up homes, hotel rooms and retail stores where a bloody crime has been committed—often a suicide. Rose (Adams) and Norah (Blunt) lost their mother to suicide as children, and they both deal with that loss in different ways as they scrub bloodstains out of the bathroom tile and grout. Rose, who has a young son and a married boyfriend, is the marginally more grounded of the two, while Norah is a flighty, irresponsible wreck—a second cousin of Anne Hathaway's character in Rachel Getting Married. The strong ensemble cast includes Mary Lynn Rajskub and Alan Arkin, the latter of whom appeared in the producers' previous film, Little Miss Sunshine. This charmingly oddball flick is the more rewarding of the two Sunshines; all of the performers shine, but Amy Adams is the real draw for me. She's simply superb. Rating: 4/5.

3/22/09: Mr. Belvedere Goes to College (1949)

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Here's the second of three Mr. Belvedere movies starring Clifton Webb as the exceedingly acerbic, multi-talented, impeccably groomed genius who always has a snappy comeback to every remark hurled at him. ("You play like Rubinstein," gushes a female student as Webb tickles the ivories, to which he replies, "Rubinstein plays like me.") Belvedere has evidently retired from taming toddlers and set his sights on co-eds. The idea of Mr. Belvedere enrolling in college is as preposterous as shipping George Clooney off to Handsome School; sure, it's contrived, but it's a cute way to get the 60-year-old into a freshman's beanie and face hazing by upperclassmen.

Webb's co-star is Shirley Temple, playing an aspiring journalist. I've never seen a real Shirley Temple movie, so it's bizarre that my first would feature her as a widowed mother in her early 20s. (Her cuteness hadn't worn off, but I wasn't crazy about her hair style.) While not quite as hysterical as the first Belvedere film (Sitting Pretty), it's still full of great lines and I enjoyed it thoroughly. Featuring Alan Young, years before he became best friends with a talking horse in TV's Mr. Ed. I believe this qualifies as the first time I've seen three movies from the same series this year. Rating: 4/5.

3/21/09: 3:10 to Yuma (2007)

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Based on an Elmore Leonard short story, 3:10 to Yuma is a remake of a 1957 Western starring Glenn Ford as the villain and Van Heflin as the cowboy charged with escorting him to the titular train that will take him to prison. The 2007 version gives us Russell Crowe and Christian Bale, and they're so perfectly cast that it's hard to imagine anybody else in the roles, including Ford and Heflin. This is normally the kind of story that instantly causes me to lose interest—it's the standard "We Gotta Go From Point A from Point B" Plot. (It's one of the reasons that Lord of the Rings made me squirm and force myself to fall asleep when I wasn't remotely tired.) But 3:10 to Yuma is really a psychological character study, showing how matters of trust and honor sometimes supersede mere good and evil. Throw in a million rifles and a few dozen horses, and you got yourself one action-packed Western. Crowe oozes likability as a morally corrupt bad guy who alternates between being Bale's captive and protector. In an abbreviated role, a grizzled-looking Peter Fonda, 67, looks almost ready to reprise his father Henry's role in On Golden Pond. Rating: 4/5.

And so Connie's Picks Week rounded out with two 5s, three 4s, one 3 and one 2. Average grade: 3.86. Sounds about average.

3/20/09: Watchmen (2009)

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Connie gave Watchmen a good review in the Miami Herald, but actually discouraged me from seeing it based on its violent content—which just goes to show you that knowing somebody for more than half your life doesn't always count for much. Since I liked it more than two of her actual recommendations (so far)—probably liked it more than she did, in fact—I'm including it in Connie's Picks Week.

Watchmen is the comic-book adaptation that's equal parts superhero flick, private-eye mystery, love story, action adventure and gory horror movie all wrapped up in a sleek, science-fiction wrapper. Amazingly, it all gels perfectly, a cinematic smoothie where every fruit is thrown into the blender to create a fascinating new flavor. Watchmen worships at the altar of contradiction: in this movie, the bad guys are evil, and the good guys are often worse. At times it's a relentlessly exciting Ninja-type yarn, then it dares to slow down and start philosophizing about how the world is doomed because of human nature, all while tunes as incongruous as "99 Luftballons" and "All Along the Watchtower" blare on the soundtrack.

The film isn't satisfied being merely a genre-bender—the storytelling isn't strictly linear, and although it takes place in the 1980s, the film gleefully ignores actual history and gives us a world where Nixon is still president after five terms and spaceships skyrocket over Manhattan. (The mishmash of anachronisms is dizzying.) Based on the famous graphic novel by Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons, Watchmen mixes costume-wearing crimefighters with names like Silk Spectre II (Malin Akerman, made up to look exactly like Demi Moore) and Nite Owl (basically a Batman clone) with a bonafide otherworldly dude called Dr. Manhattan (Billy Crudup), a glowing naked bald guy who looks like a refuge from the Blue Man Group. Roughly the first half of the film concerns itself with the murder of one of the heroes (The Comedian), while another (Rorschach) hunts for the killer; the second half is mostly about a nuclear holocaust. As Rorschach, Jackie Earle Haley steals the movie as a troubled crusader with Clint Eastwood's voice, whose cheesecloth-covered face displays inexplicably moving Rorschach patterns. (He has the movie's best single line, growing at a group of vengeful fellow prison inmates: "I'm not locked up with you—you're locked up with me.") This is the same brat from The Bad News Bears? Astonishing.

The movie works best while in Action Mode, with many almost comically violent sequences—arms get amputated, bullets pierce foreheads, and the disembowelments come at a fairly regular pace. For the record, I didn't look away once, although I may have audibly groaned. Stylistically, Watchmen steals from dozens of movies, including (but not limited to) Kill Bill, Sin City, Star Wars, The Dark Knight, The Matrix, 300 and X Men. But it's impossible to tear your eyes away from what is still a wholly original piece of work—to say nothing of Dr. Manhattan's long, blue prosthetic schlong. Rating: 4/5.

3/19/09: In America (2002)

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Like pretty much every American, I worry about making enough money, keeping my loved ones safe, having enough food to eat and a million other little things. Watching In America, the acclaimed film about an Irish family that illegally emigrates to the USA, I kept thinking, "Great, now I have to worry about these people too."

In director Jim Sheridan's semi-autobiographical film, Johnny and Sarah Sullivan move their two young daughters, Christie and Ariel, into a Manhattan tenement occupied chiefly by drug addicts and transvestites (but nary a rat nor cockroach to be seen—it's the Disney version of a flophouse). We see most of the action from the point of view of Christie, who dutifully records the family's experiences with her beloved camcorder. Living in virtual poverty, Dad drives a taxi and Mom works at a local ice-cream parlor as they struggle to make ends meet. But the biggest problem dogging this family is the ever-present spectre of Frankie, the couple's dead son. Everybody is still in mourning, but the loss has all but immobilized Johnny emotionally. At length, the family befriends a fellow tenant, a mysterious Nigerian artist named Mateo Kuamey (Djimon Hounsou), who is dying of AIDS. Then Sarah announces she's pregnant, and the baby is born prematurely and in need of an expensive blood transfusion they can't possibly afford. (Confoundingly, nobody at the hospital ever asks Johnny for proof of insurance.) Also, it's swelteringly hot in New York. In case you hadn't noticed, this is not a comedy.

Despite all their woes, the Sullivans try to keep it together as best they can, largely for the sake of the two surviving kids—and more adorable children I've never seen in a motion picture. Narrated by Christie (Sarah Bolger) with heartbreaking earnestness, In America is mostly a downer, but contains just enough sentimentality and poignancy to keep it from being fatally depressing. Long before I ever concocted the "one movie a day" idea, Connie suggested that I move this to the top of my list of movies to see. Knowing how much I love films that elicit a strong emotional reaction, she might be surprised that I didn't rate this one higher; despite numerous effective scenes, what prevented me from liking it more were Paddy Considine as brooding Johnny and Samantha Morton as the nearly bald Sarah—Mr. Hard to Connect With and Ms. Hard to Look At. Rating: 3/5.

3/18/09: Dead Again (1991)

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Fortunately, my friend Jay was around to point out all the ways this movie was confusing and cliche-ridden—not that I couldn't have figured that out on my own, but it was nice to have confirmation. Kenneth Branagh, the Amazing Lipless Wonder, stars as a private detective who tries to help an amnesiac victim (the always great Emma Thompson) figure out who she is. An antique dealer who dabbles in hypnosis (Derek Jacobi) puts her in a trance and starts to learn more about her past life than her present one. While there are some admittedly intriguing plot twists, the story is a little too preposterous for its own good, with some shockingly low-budget effects that had us howling (the flimsy giant pair of scissors that dispatch one character was the worst offender). Branagh, who plays two roles in the movie, probably bit off a little more than he could chew by also directing; I was frankly embarrassed by how badly he played the (contemporary) private eye, Mike Church, whereas he is obviously much more comfortable as his "Shakespearian" past-life character, Roman Strauss. In a minor role, Robin Williams does a much better job in one of his earliest serious performances, but Wayne Knight of Seinfeld fame is downright annoying as a newspaperman with a ridiculous speech impediment. And speaking of speech impediments, the climax of the film calls for Derek Jacobi to reprise his I, Claudius stutter—only one of the unintentionally hilarious scenes in Dead Again. It's a pity; this actually could have been a decent suspense yarn with some different people involved. Rating: 2/5.

3/17/09: Nobody's Fool (1994)

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Like Cary Grant, Paul Newman is a film legend whose many screen credits are somehow absent from the long list of movies I've seen. I began to rectify that last month by viewing one of Newman's most enduring classics, The Hustler. Now here he is again, 33 years older but every bit as mesmerizing. In Nobody's Fool, he's "Sully" Sullivan, a down-on-his-luck construction worker with a bad knee and a grown son (Dylan Walsh) who suddenly reappears in his life after a period of estrangement—along with a grandson he's never met. The movie takes place in one of those small towns where everybody knows each other and oddball characters inhabit every corner. We meet Sully's eighth-grade teacher (Jessica Tandy), slow-witted best friend (Pruitt Taylor Vince), one-legged attorney (Gene Saks), occasional employer (Bruce Willis) and the employer's wife (Melanie Griffith), with whom Sully has an ongoing flirtation. All of them play pivotal roles in this variation on the old redemption story; although Sully isn't really a bad guy, he's emotionally unavailable and responsible for nobody, including himself. The story unfolds at a snail's pace, but still manages to be gripping and enthralling throughout—it's a wintertime confection that's shamelessly heartwarming and deeply moving. (Even the title card at the end of the movie, commemorating the passing of actress Jessica Tandy, brings you to tears.) Featuring an early role by future superstar Philip Seymour Hoffman. Rating: 5/5.

3/16/09: The Awful Truth (1937)

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Amazingly enough, I haven't seen many movies that can legitimately be labeled screwball comedies. Moreover, I haven't seen nearly as many Cary Grant films as some of my friends have. The only one I distinctly remember having seen is Arsenic and Old Lace, which had Grant doing a lot of physical comedy and double-takes. The Awful Truth is a similarly farcical affair, about a married couple (Grant and Irene Dunne) who file for divorce, then try to thwart each others' subsequent romances when they realize they're still in love with each other. The movie is lighter than air, but contains a heaping of hilarious lines delivered by Dunne and an extremely funny wire-haired fox terrier that all but steals the movie from its human stars. If all screwball comedies are as entertaining as this one, I should probably revisit the genre. Rating: 4/5.

3/15/09: The American President (1995)

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This week's film choices were selected by one of my oldest and dearest friends, Miami Herald film critic Connie Ogle. It is the first time I have allowed somebody else to hand-pick the week's cinematic agenda—and given her consummate taste in films, I expect the average grade this week to be noticably higher than usual. I'll take stock at week's end to see how she fared.

We begin the week with a beautiful comedy-drama directed by Rob Reiner. It's a great old-fashioned romantic movie that would have been the perfect vehicle for Spencer Tracy and Katherine Hepburn back in the 1950s. Widowed president Michael Douglas meets lobbyist Annette Bening, and begins the politically sensitive undertaking of courting her. Produced a few years before The West Wing, this film contains some of the same themes, jokes and even cast members as his landmark TV series about the personal and professional machinations of a Democrat in the White House. Filled with crackling dialogue and wonderful humor, The American President is the kind of movie I wish I could see every day. Douglas is wise, confident and inspiring, and the entire cast performs flawlessly; Michael J. Fox and Martin Sheen are particularly memorable as members of the president's staff, and Bening is the dictionary definition of sweet and charming. Rating: 5/5.

3/14/09: Orgazmo (1996)

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I suppose it was inevitable, albeit highly unlikely: two "1" grades in a row.

I could be forgiven for having high hopes for this raunchy "comedy," given how much I loved Trey Parker's later movie, the hysterical Team America: World Police. And at its peak, his TV series South Park was savagely biting and funny—everything this embarrassing excuse for a movie isn't. Parker wrote, directed and starred in this porno spoof, playing a Mormon who is reluctantly (to say the least) dragged into the production of an adult film. Hilarity would have been a good thing to have ensued at that juncture—too bad it never happens. There are one or two raunchy lines that elicited a smirk from me, but that's about it. The funniest thing in the film is actually Parker's outrageously over-the-top opening-credits song "Now You're a Man," which suggests "Eye of the Tiger" as sung by Toby Keith while overdosing on testosterone. (The song could only have been written by the genius who came up with "America, Fuck Yeah.")

I would complain that I want those two hours of my life back, but the movie only lasted 1 hour 34 mins. It just seemed like two hours. Rating: 1/5.

3/13/09: The Night of the Following Day (1968)

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I have always enjoyed watching actress Pamela Franklin, even when she's in subpar movies like A Tiger Walks from a couple of weeks back. My recent purchase of today's flick must have been to confirm that she wound up in a lot of terrible movies. The Night of the Following Day has an exciting kidnapping premise—Marlon Brando and three others hold Franklin for ransom—but the film is stupifyingly dull, detailing how the caper goes awry when the four kidnappers clash with each other. Richard Boone has the best role, as a particularly nasty kidnapper. The stories I've read about the troubled production (i.e., Brando arriving to the set drunk and battling with director Hubert Cornfield) are far more interesting than the actual movie. The film's ending is a confusing mindfuck. Rating: 1/5.

3/12/09: The Comedy of Terrors (1964)

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I used to have a book about horror movies when I was in middle school, and one of the photos inside was a promotional still from this American International comedy-chiller. I was convinced that the man in the picture was supposed to evoke the image of W.C. Fields, and have always wondered about it. Now that I've finally seen the movie, I know it's actually Peter Lorre in a top hat.

Richard Matheson, author of dozens of Twilight Zone episodes, as well as the stories that inspired films like Duel, The Incredible Shrinking Man and Somewhere in Time, wrote this farcical sendup of Edgar Allan Poe-type stories. Vincent Price is a drunken funeral director who can't pay the rent, so he takes matters into his own hands by producing a few fresh cadavers, with assistant Lorre as his Igor. Various slapstick antics ensue, with a lot of bumbling and one particular corpse (Shakespeare-quoting Basil Rathbone) that just won't stay dead. It reminded me vaguely of another horror satire I saw when I was a kid called Arnold, although this movie is appreciably more madcap. Joyce Jameson shows off a lot of cleavage as Price's wife, while Boris Karloff, as her senile father, gives the film its great punch line. The film, though full of macabre one-liners, would undoubtedly have played much better in front of a live audience. Rating: 3/5.